


Parallel Lines

by lately (aeggyu)



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Childhood Friends, Infidelity, M/M, Pining, Time Skips, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:17:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeggyu/pseuds/lately
Summary: (Mark the correct answer.           [ ] Today  [ ] Tomorrow  [ ] Never  [ ] Someday [ ] Always           “Sunggyu?”           “Yes?”           “I love you.”)-          17-year-old Woohyun forgets Sunggyu.          27-year-old Nam Woohyun feels like going back in time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a repost of the same fic i have on aff, without any changes except for a cringe-worthy vowel misplacement (you'll know what i mean if you've ever read the original one). so here it is, the fic i posted four years ago, without proofreading or anything. sorry.

Nam Woohyun is five years old when he meets Kim Sunggyu for the first time.

His mother forbade him going outside without the supervision of someone, but she and his father are outside working, and his brother Boohyun is dead-sleep on the couch. Woohyun, as an adventurous kid for his age, figures he can take care of his own pretty well.

He finds the other boy playing at the end of the street, where his house is located. He learns that his name is Kim Sunggyu, he's two years older than him, and doesn’t have many friends to play with during summer vacation. He has a pretty noona three years older than him, and his father works in a big company –what is a ‘company,’ he still doesn’t know, but it may not be that important. He also learns that Sunggyu likes it when he calls him ‘hyung’.

(Woohyun ends up with a scrap on his knee, Sunggyu’s worried mother kissing his cheek to stop his tears, and a new friend by the end of the day. He decides that his new friend has a pretty eye-smile even for a boy and that simply _Sunggyu_ is much better than _hyung._ )

 

 

Nam Woohyun is 25 years old when he starts working for 27-year-old Kim Sunggyu.

He manages to get a job as a personal assistant, not for the president of the company, but for his son, the vice-president. It's a matter of luck, really. Sungyeol was kind enough to send his application (that being without his permission), and he got the job almost instantly. (Woohyun is grateful anyway).

The job itself is not so bad. It’s only his first week on the job, but Sunggyu already treats him with the familiarity he treats employees that were hired long time ago. However, he’s firm with what he wants and how he wants it, and anything that gets on his way needs to be dismissed.

“That’s how it has to be on the economic field,” he advises Woohyun one time.

Kim Sunggyu is strict, well behaved and perceptive, but confident and quick-witted. He is also kind when he has the opportunity, and sometimes lets his guard down and Woohyun thinks he can see more glints of the insecurity that lurks behind his confident steps, but it may just be his imagination.

(Woohyun doesn’t say it aloud, but he truly admires his boss.)

  
||

 

Woohyun and Sunggyu are almost brothers by the time Woohyun turns eight. Since they don’t live too far from each other, and Woohyun’s parents are rarely home, he stays at Sunggyu’s place every time he can. Sunggyu’s mother doesn’t mind it; in fact, she also takes every opportunity available to convince her neighbors to let Woohyun stay. Not that they mind it either ––Boohyun is more than grateful to get rid of the burden Woohyun is for him.

They go to school together and, even though Sunggyu is two years older, he prefers to spend his lunch with Woohyun instead of with his friends from his grade. And the same goes for the younger, actually; Nicole is nice, and Kibum makes him laugh a lot, but girls have cooties and Sunggyu makes him laugh even more than Kibum. So Kim Sunggyu and Nam Woohyun are inseparable (or as their classmates like to call them “needle and thread”) during his years of grade school.

Woohyun sees Sunggyu as a role model. He tries to imitate him, after all he’s a best role to follow than his lazy brother who loves to sleep on the couch all day and go out at night. Sunggyu is responsible, even for a kid, and kind. He likes to take care of the younger neighbors, and laughs at Woohyun’s jokes as if they were the best in the world.

That’s why Woohyun loves to be his friend and make him laugh, to hear that pretty laugh and see the glint on the other’s eyes when he’s helping Myungsoo to retrieve his kite stuck on the tree on Woohyun’s yard.

 

 

Woohyun is seven months into his job when Sunggyu tells him he’s the best assistant he’s ever had. It strikes as unexpected to have Kim Sunggyu––Vice-President Kim Sunggyu of Companies Kim, the same companies that will slide your throat on the business market––telling you a compliment, especially when he’s still fairly new, but Sunggyu laughs and shakes his head when he tells him.

“Do I really seem that unapproachable?” Sunggyu asks. Woohyun is pretty sure it’s a rhetorical question, but with Sunggyu you can never know.

When he’s going to reply (something really stupid, he has the strong feeling) Sunggyu speaks again. “Ah, but I mean it. Maybe I’m not much of a person who gives compliments––and neither is my father, you should see him––but I’m honest with the people who earn it; that’s what I think. In these months you’ve been more competent than all my other assistants in their whole career.”

The man looks at him and chuckles after his words, and something churns on Woohyun’s stomach. He’s not sure if it’s because of his boss’s words, or from his (pretty) smile, or solely because of his presence. And, after they finish lunch and head to their next conference, Woohyun is afraid to admit to himself that maybe he feels something more than admiration for his boss.

 

||

 

Woohyun is 12 years old when he learns that whatever kind of feelings he has for Sunggyu are _not right_. He starts feeling confused every time he’s with his older friend. It’s the type of confusion that makes him weak on the knees whenever he’s around the older boy, every time they are wrestling and he's so close, or when Sunggyu’s eyes lit up when he beats Woohyun at some video game. He’s afraid to ask the other because he feels like Sunggyu would laugh at him and stop being his friend after thinking he’s weird; so he shuts every kind of worry and focuses on simply admiring Sunggyu-hyung.

Sunggyu is now 14, still in that awkward stage of the adolescence, but keeping traces of his childhood and for Woohyun, he’s the teenager everyone wants to be. He’s also in the stage where he sees Woohyun as a kid, even though the latter claims that he’s also growing, and that he will grow taller and stronger than _Sunggyu_ and then _we’ll see who teases who._

It’s something Woohyun hates, and makes him even more confused. He feels his ego hurt every time Sunggyu pats his head, but when he turns and sees Sunggyu is doing it without malice, eyes looking at him with curiosity, Woohyun’s lips stretch to form an unwitting smile.

Eventually, he stops calling him _Sunggyu_ unless they’re in private and he’s trying to be annoying or cute –Or annoyingly cute, as Boohyun says. _Hyung_ comes more naturally now that they’re older and Woohyun understands Sunggyu wants to put boundaries to his relation. It may be unintentionally, but Woohyun still feels a heavy burden placed on his chest when he thinks about it.

 

 

Kim Sunggyu introduces Nam Woohyun to his wife when they’re at a party three months later, hosted at (of course, where else) Sunggyu’s house. His father managed to settle a business with Choi’s Company and the merging of companies is closer than ever. Sunggyu (and Woohyun) were a key part on the movement, so the party is to celebrate the company’s success, along with the excellent job they did.

Sunggyu’s wife, Eunji, is endearing. She has delicate features, and every time she smiles, her eyes cringe to form pretty moon slits. Sunggyu hugs her by the waist, keeping her closer, and Woohyun can’t help but think how happy and lovely they look together. It makes him feel uneasy, and attempts to cut the conversation at every opportunity he has, but she takes a liking on him, and even invites him to dinner _one of these nights you're not busy, Woohyun-sshi_.

Maybe uneasy is not the right word for what he feels. It’s just that thinking that Sunggyu always has someone to come back to after those hectic days, who makes him happy and relieves all the stress he’s gathering, and it’s not him, it’s a blown to Woohyun’s heart. He nods and accepts the invitation, eyes flickering to Sunggyu’s (pretty) smiling face for half of a second. After all, if that would make them glad, why not?

 

||

 

13-year-old Woohyun thinks it shouldn’t be so easy for him to follow Sunggyu whenever he goes. The older is passing by his rebellious stage (similar to the one Boohyun went through before becoming mildly responsible) and drags Woohyun along with him. Not that he minds; the change is exciting and the older still knows when to say it’s enough for them. He’s also in a creative stage, writing lyrics and composing melodies with the poor knowledge they have from Internet and books from the school’s library.

He tries to catch up with the older as best as he can. Sunggyu’s line of thought is hard to follow, as he scribbles down lyrics that don’t make sense at first but contain a deeper meaning behind to later erase them and create something even better. It makes Woohyun wonder when did his best friend learn to dance and swirl with words in the way he does. A part of him is jealous, but the bigger part is proud of Sunggyu. His admiration grows even more, in an anxious and uncomfortable way.

(He's worried his admiration becomes something more.)

Even though they’re now in different schools, they spend their time together as always, hiding in Sunggyu’s messy bedroom. Woohyun goes home as soon as he finishes school, does some homework and packs the one where he doesn’t understand and needs help. After hastily saying goodbye to Boohyun, who is busy making himself something in the kitchen, he leaves to Sunggyu’s house at the end of the street.

Sunggyu receives him by showing him a stack of newly written lyrics, which Woohyun takes and promises to read them over the night. They chat and play video games until it’s late and Sunggyu helps him with the homework before going down for dinner and later leaving for home. For Woohyun, his free time with Sunggyu in the small and cramped room, before going down to taste the food Sunggyu’s mom cooks, is something he looks forward to as soon as he leaves the house that same night.

 

 

Woohyun thinks Sunggyu’s eyes are a dark shade of brown.

It’s the sixth time Eunji invites him to have dinner with them in two months. Sunggyu is sitting in front of him, next to his wife. He’s talking about some banal topic Woohyun doesn’t pay attention to, but nods and agrees when he’s required to. Instead, he focuses on scrutinize the man in front of him, how his lips churn when he doesn’t agree with what he’s saying or how he starts blinking constantly when he gets excited with the topic.

Eunji laughs that pretty laugh of hers when Woohyun retorts with a witty comment, before standing to clear the table and bring the dessert.

“I’ll get it,” Sunggyu says with a warm voice, “you already did enough.” He picks the dishes from her hands and takes them to the kitchen. Woohyun found it uncomfortable to look at first, but he’s slowly getting used to Sunggyu’s odd displays of affection towards his wife. (That, or he doesn't want to admit he's being hurt)

“Thank you, dear,” she says and sits back down. Then, she smiles at him and says: “Is he like this at the office? I’m pretty sure he isn’t.”

“Ah, what to do. Should I tell you the truth?” Woohyun plays along.

“I can hear you both from here!” Sunggyu yells from the kitchen and they laugh. Eunji is not a bad person; he could even be friends with her. Maybe he already is, or he’s getting there unknowingly, since she invites him not only to dinner, but also to casual reunions and occasional parties. She even gave him her phone number and texts him even more often than Myungsoo or Sungyeol. 

“Am I really that bad, Woohyun?” Sunggyu says when he comes back, grinning and juggling with the three plates of lemon cake she prepared for their dinner. His tone is teasing, but then it changes, “you’ll see when you get to the office.”

Eunji laughs and hit her husband’s arm playfully. “Of course you would say something like that,” she jokes. Then, she leans forward and pecks him on the lips. “Cake?” She offers to Woohyun, who nods.

It’s not that bad. It’s really not.

(Later, if you asked him, Woohyun would laugh and tell you it’s a lie, but he could swear he saw something flickering for a second in Sunggyu’s eyes.)

 

||

 

14-year-old Woohyun meets Sungjong for the first time on a rainy day of May. He’s coming back from school, hurrying as much as he can to get home without stepping in a puddle of mud or dropping his umbrella, when he sees the boy hunched on a bench a block before his house. He stops on his tracks, chewing his lips. Should he help the boy?

Avoiding any kind of warning on his brain, Woohyun approaches him, and, without much thought, covers him under the umbrella. The soaked boy looks up, he has delicate features and big innocent eyes. He’s possibly the same age as him and looks harmless. Woohyun feels a sudden warmth through his body. He's like a faint remind of spring, of soft scents of the meadow.

“I– do you need help?” Woohyun asks, trying his best not to stumble with his words.

“Who are you?” The stranger asks instead. His voice has a soft tone as well.

“Woohyun.”

“Woohyun,” he repeats, standing up. “ _Woohyunnie.”_ There’s something hidden on his voice, a kind of longing tone, that makes Woohyun uneasy, but the boy smiles and maybe it doesn’t matter anymore. “I’m Sungjong.”

The boy stretches his hand and Woohyun takes it. He stands up, and at the same moment, Woohyun’s cell phone starts ringing. It’s Sunggyu, telling him that he will come home late. At first, Woohyun doesn’t pay much attention, focused on the singular boy in front of him and his Cheshire-like smile, but later, when he gets home after walking Sungjong to his small apartment, an unpleasant weight settles on his stomach.

This is the first time Sunggyu and him miss a day together.

 

 

Woohyun meets Sungjong for the first time when he’s taking out the trash from his apartment building, three weeks later from their dinner at Sunggyu's.

It was Sungyeol’s time to take out the trash since Woohyun already cooked and washed the dishes for the past two nights, but he complained too much about his tight schedule and lack of sleep. The only reason Woohyun agreed to do it’s because he was being too loud and the old man next door is always trying to find a way to kick them out, and he thought that maybe a night strolling wouldn’t be so bad.

The boy is leaning against the wall in the alley, curled up so tightly that Woohyun could almost miss it if he didn’t flinch with the sound he produced when he threw the bag into the contained.

The boy looks up, wary. He's young and has this delicate features that makes you think of a sepia picture, of a forgotten place during spring. When he sees Woohyun, his lips curl into a slight smile, as if he’s relieved. Then, he stands up.

“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” he asks, his voice is just as tender as his whole appearance is, but still keeps a melancholic tint in it. Then, “I’m Sungjong.”

He extends his hand, and Woohyun takes it still unsure. “Woohyun,” he replies, “what are you doing here? You should probably be doing your homework.”

Sungjong shrugs. “Home-work?” he repeats, giving it an odd edge. Then, his face lights up. “Oh, home-work! Right, I should probably head home to do my work,” he says, turning around.

 _What a weird kid,_ Woohyun thinks when Sungjong is gone. He shrugs, not giving it much thought, and turns to his apartment.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Woohyun is 15-going on 16 when Sunggyu approaches him for help.

They don’t see each other that much by now, but Sunggyu’s approach on the hallway during passing period doesn’t come out as strange. They still talk and walk home together when they can, even though it's not that often. Grade and age differences have never been a problem when it comes to their relationship.

(That, and Woohyun is more than sure he likes his _Sunggyu_ more than as a friend.)

Sunggyu, as the president of the Drama Club, asks Woohyun to be part of the cast for the play. ("He doesn't really appear much, but his lines are important. I could do it, but I already had to take other character's role.") He has this hopeful look on his eyes and waiting smile that makes Woohyun feel a sort of excitement pool on his stomach.

“We’re short of people this year,” he says, “and I know you'll be the best for the role.”

Woohyun doubts it for a second, he already has Soccer practices to take care of, and mostly now that the season is starting. But the look in Sunggyu’s eyes when he asks him is more than enough to convince him.

“Sure,” he says. “I have no problem with it.”

Sunggyu looks so happy he leans forward to hug him his eye-smile is almost blinding, and Woohyun wonders how can a 17-year-old male look so cute. He stays there, awkwardly trying to hug back, but the other is so caught in his _thank you Woohyunnie I knew you can do it you’re the best_ that he doesn’t notice the slight discomfort of the other.

It might not be that bad, he thinks, since he’ll get to see Sunggyu more.

Later, when he's juggling with his now packed schedule and dealing with acting skills that need to be polished, Woohyun decides that indeed, it's not that bad. He gets to see the way Sunggyu’s eyes squint when he’s focused, or how his lips curl in satisfaction after an afternoon of yelling at the actors during rehearsals. (He knows more than ever that his affection has not decreased in the least. And it's still undecided if it's for good or bad.)

On the day of the play, Woohyun feels happier than when his team won against their school rivals at the local game. Not because the play went okay––It did, more than _okay_ , but although Woohyun likes to sing he’s not a man for the stage––but because of how proud Sunggyu looks backstage, and how he throws (pretty) eye smiles and 90 degrees bows to everyone when the cast drag him onstage to receive the cheers. He's pretty sure it's not possible, but he feels his heart skipping and a cold shiver at the same time.

Woohyun and Sunggyu kiss for the first time three months later from their last dinner at Sunggyu and Eunji's home.

It comes as unexpected, at least for Woohyun does. They’re at a restaurant not so far from the office, eating a quick lunch before heading to their next reunion. Woohyun feels lucky to have a boss like Sunggyu, who is not so fussy about things like food or clothes––the latter being when he’s not working, for work it’s always about appearance and behavior. The older male can eat _everything,_ and it makes it easier for Woohyun to handle.

So they are at the restaurant that apparently has _the best chicken in Myeongdong,_ owned by a pretty woman who is probably a couple of years older and laughs often of her customers’ antics. Sunggyu is telling him some joke, treating him like he’s some kind of best friend instead of a mere assistant he hired, but Woohyun is only paying attention at the way Sunggyu’s mouth moves and how noticeable his lisp becomes when he starts getting excited. (There's also the constant blinking that he shouldn't find so cute for a grown man, but he does.)

“Isn’t it funny, Woohyun-ah?” he says, before he explodes in laughter. Woohyun laughs, too, even though he only catches the word _Woohyun-ah_. Sunggyu gives it a nice intonation, and Woohyun’s heart gives a small jump when a sense of familiarity fills him.

“It is,” he assures anyway, even though he has no idea of what was he talking about. When the laughter dies and a warm feeling still lingers in the air, Woohyun looks at his phone. “Boss? Lunchtime is almost over. We have to head back.”

Sunggyu finishes the piece of chicken he’s eating and cleans his head, humming in agreement. They pay and exit the restaurant, heading to the car. He says nothing, but Woohyun has a feeling he wants to say something.

“What are you doing, are you my personal butler?” Sunggyu jokes when Woohyun opens the passenger door for him. He shrugs, opening the driver’s door, but Sunggyu calls him again before they enter the car. “Woohyun?”

“Yes?” He turns around, hearing the door he just opened slam shut and the next thing he knows is that Sunggyu’s lips are on his.

Woohyun eyes are wide open, but he kisses back anyway. Sunggyu’s eyes are closed, but Woohyun keeps watching him (he’s blushing, all the way to his ears. When have you seen Kim Sunggyu blushing?). Sunggyu is nervous, but he's trying to control himself, so Woohyun decides to help a bit. He takes Sunggyu’s hands that are lying aimlessly in both sides, lips never leaving lips, and interlaces their fingers, deepening the kiss.

Sunggyu breaks the kiss a couple of seconds later, slowly, as if he doesn’t want to. Woohyun feels his warm breath against his lips, and he wants to lean again for more, but the older male’s eyes flutter open and looks at his and his eyes are clear and he has _that_ look and and––

––Suddenly Woohyun remembers they’re in the parking lot, about to go back to the office. Oh, and Sunggyu is his boss, his married boss, and what they just did surely goes first on the list of _things you shouldn’t do with your boss._

Oops.

He mumbles a quick apologize and jumps into the car. Sunggyu opens the door and enters without saying anything. When he adjusts the rearview mirror, he sees Sunggyu tracing his lips. It’s only for a couple of seconds, because the older male realizes his own action and quickly puts his hand down. Woohyun looks down embarrassed, starting the engine.

_What did just happen?_

“Woohyun-ah?” Sunggyu calls him again. He looks up, encountering Sunggyu wearing his best business-smile. Even though he’s calm, Woohyun can see the corner of his lips twitching strangely. Sunggyu is nervous under his calm façade, he can tell, and a nervous Sunggyu is something as rare as snow during summer.

He tries to stop staring at his lips, but it’s hard. “Yes, boss?”

“Sunggyu,” he says, trying to sound cool (Woohyun pretends not to hear the slight tremble of his voice), and after he sees Woohyun’s confused look, “I want you to call me Sunggyu.”

||

 “ _Woohyun-ah_ ,” Sunggyu says. He’s looking at Woohyun with glassy eyes, intense and filled with lust. “Do something. _Please.”_

His demands come desperate and needy, but Woohyun still wants to play a bit more. The older boy squirms under him, attempting to free himself from the binding Woohyun’s hands are making. Woohyun doesn’t remember where they are, or how did they end up like this, but he aims to take advantage of the situation.

He takes his time to admire Sunggyu––His pale skin, the way his chest moves at irregular paces and how his eyes flicker open and closed once in a while––before he leans forward to bite the white and tempting neck. It leaves a mark he knows Sunggyu will complain about later, but he moves on, tracing butterfly kisses along his skin.

When he lets go of Sunggyu's hands, they tamely tangle on his black locks. His own hands, however, are anything but tame. They roam through his best friend's body, taking as much space of hot skin as they can. Sunggyu's skin is soft, and Woohyun can feel him slightly shivering with anticipation. He's waiting for whatever is going to come next as desperately as him.

The older man mutters another plea when Woohyun's hands reach his thighs. Somehow Woohyun knows _knows_ Sunggyu's sensitive thighs are softer, if that's even possible. Sunggyu lets out a moan, pure and loud and raw when Woohyun leans forward and his tongue runs from the inner part of his knees through his thighs and further. His voice itself is enough to make Woohyun lose himself.

16-year-old Woohyun jerks awake. He looks around, confused, to find out that he’s in his room and classes aren’t going to start for another four hours.

 _“What the fuck,”_ he mutters, rubbing his face. Then, he realizes that 1) he was dreaming of Sunggyu, his best friend and what's probably worse: 2) he has a hard-on that seems impossible to calm.

He sort of feels like crying.

26-year-old Woohyun kisses Sunggyu exactly six times after their first kiss at the parking lot of the restaurant.

The first of them happens when they’re done with the meeting with the CEO. Everybody walks out from the office, but Sunggyu subtly grabs his sleeve. He doesn’t look at him, but at the door. When everybody leaves, he turns around and gives Woohyun a quick peck on the lips, just in time for the door to burst open and reveal the cleaner, who doesn’t even bother to look at them. Later, Sunggyu says nothing about it (and Woohyun doesn't ask) but there's a faint smile on their lips for the rest of the day.

The second and third time happen when they’re about to enter another business meeting. First is almost a peck, innocent and fast. Woohyun wants to think there’s nothing to fear; it must be Sunggyu’s way of releasing the tension he carries, there’s nothing to worry about.

Nope. Nothing at all.

  _“_ _It’s going to be fine,”_ Sunggyu mumbles, trying to reassure him, but it sounds more like he’s trying to reassure himself. Then, he leans in and kisses Woohyun again. The younger panics, expecting someone to pop out from some corner of the hallway and see them. But when he realizes this will probably be the last chance he gets to taste those lips (oh, how wrong he is) and is about to kiss back, Sunggyu’s warmth is already gone.

The fourth, fifth, and sixth time are the ones Woohyun feels most guilty about. They also happen to be the ones he initiates.

They’re eating dinner at a restaurant not so far from the office. Preparing paperwork for their reunion overseas lasted longer than it was expected to, and now it’s past one am, so Sunggyu suggests that a little extra time not being home won’t hurt. Woohyun feels the courage to lean in and take Sunggyu’s mouth into his in the middle of his boss rambling about how he can’t wait to go to Jakarta next month and slurping down a glass of soju.

Sunggyu stiffens at first, but relaxes after Woohyun takes his bottom lip between his. There's a soft scent of alcohol in both of their breaths, but nothing too serious. The kiss lasts longer than the past three combined, but they separate when they run out of oxygen. Sunggyu sighs not too loud, and Woohyun thinks his parted lips are the most tempting things he’s ever seen in his life.

It’s a luck they are the only customers in the restaurant, and the staff is not even bothering to look at them. Sunggyu appears to be carefree, but Woohyun doesn’t miss how he licks his lips and breaths an awkward laugh. Later, when they’re done and leaving the restaurant, he leans forward and kisses his boss again. This time his right hand is on Sunggyu’s back, securing him, and the left one brushes his cheek. The older male fully gives in, kissing him heartedly. And Woohyun doesn’t want to admit it, but it's so good he’s scared this is a dream.

And if it’s a dream, it breaks when Sunggyu’s phone starts ringing. Woohyun himself knows the ring-tone too well; Eunji personalized Sunggyu’s whole cell phone and asked him which one would be less annoying. Sunggyu breaks the kiss, a little too fast for Woohyun’s liking, and takes out his phone. There's an evil silver glint on his left hand that suddenly reminds Woohyun of where they are, and what's his position on this relationship. (Or whatever this is, really.)

 “Hello?” he says, sending him an apologetic look.

 “ _Where are you, honey?_ ” Eunji’s voice is so loud Woohyun can hear it from where he’s standing. “ _I’ve been waiting for you._ ”

She sounds worried, and if he hears closely, there’s a faint tint of reproach in her voice. Sunggyu looks down, unable to look at Woohyun anymore. He nods as a sign of acknowledgement––Woohyun would laugh if he could––but he stops when he realizes his action. Of course, Sunggyu is a caring husband, how can he let his wife waiting for him all night?

There's this hint of bitterness on Woohyun's lips when he licks them, but it might be his imagination.

 “You don’t have to, you know. I’m with Woohyun now,” he looks up again, meeting Woohyun’s eyes as if he’s expecting something, searching for something. Woohyun understands what he wants (even though probably Sunggyu himself doesn’t know), and nods, as if dismissing him. “We had to finish some paperwork and now we just finished eating dinner.”

Woohyun is unable to look at him anymore, so he decides to use the street light as a distraction. Sunggyu mumbles something else and Eunji replies with a _see you soon_ and an _I love you_ , to which he mumbles another intelligible response.

Later, when Woohyun shoves him against the dirty wall next to where the cars are parked, Sunggyu mutters an apology that sounds way more sincere than he would like to. Woohyun pretends he doesn't hear it and takes his lips again; so hard his teeth clash painfully with Sunggyu’s. The kiss becomes slower, calmer, and Sunggyu’s hands sneak up and tangle behind his head, pulling him closer.

The ring is cold against his nape.

He mutters another apology when they separate, and this time it’s harder for Woohyun to ignore it. But he does, anyway, and they leave in silence, each one to a different place.

||

Woohyun’s team wins the last Soccer game of the season when he nearly confesses to 17-year-old Sunggyu.

He’s in the field, playing as center-forward, when his partner passes the ball. They’re tied, four to four, and playing extra time. It’s about to end, and if his team don’t do something, they’ll go to penalties. He advances, passing the ball and dodging the opponents. The crowd is going crazy as he goes through the field. In a rush of adrenaline, he kicks the ball.

Goal.

_Goal._

He doesn’t feel anything––he doesn’t _hear_ anything––except his heart pounding on his ears, until he’s embraced by his teammates and shock back into reality. Everybody is around him, saying something he doesn’t understand. Then, the sound returns little by little and he realizes everybody is yelling, thrilled, including him.

The team wants to go to celebrate. _Don’t be careless,_ his coach words are demanding, but still keeps a proud smile on his face. He sort of feels like going with them, but then he catches Sunggyu waving at him among the crowds, next to Myungsoo. He yells something, but his words are lost amidst the cheers of victory and his teammates’ fuss.

He doesn’t think about it twice, he runs to where Sunggyu is standing and throws himself at him. The older male receives him showing the same enthusiasm he does, even though he’s tired and sweaty and pretty sure he stinks.

“You won,” the older boy states.

“We won,” Woohyun repeats, not believing it.

“You should’ve seen yourself, Woohyun-ah,” Sunggyu says, still hugging him. Woohyun’s heartbeat is still pounding on his ears, but now the reason is different. Sunggyu is close, so close, and he’s hugging him so tight it’s almost unbearable. “You were amazing.”

He decides to shut down any kind of thought he’s having (although that’s a hard task) and focus on how Sunggyu’s hands seem to fit so right around his neck and how his own arms are enough to embrace the older boy completely, even though Sunggyu is slightly taller. He wants to keep like this, taking as much Sunggyu’s scent as he can.

But he feels Sunggyu’s warmth leaving him, and he knows he has to release him. He does it maybe too quickly, and regrets it almost instantly. He hugs Myungsoo too, even though is quick and awkward, and he hears his faint _congratulations_. Sunggyu probably dragged him to be together during the game, just like that time at the play.

When he turns around, Sunggyu receives him with that smile and proud grin of his and all of a sudden, he feels like he can do anything; like he can tell him he has feelings for him that are not exactly brotherly altogether––that _he's been dreaming of him_ ––and nothing can go wrong.

He’s about to speak when Sunggyu opens his mouth and then, insecurity comes back to him and his opportunity disappears. It’s too late.

 “Hey,” Sunggyu starts, and Woohyun makes his best to ignore the noise around them. “Do you–“ He can’t hear the rest because someone next to him blows a horn and he’s momentarily deaf.

“What?” he half-yells half-asks. “I can’t hear you.”

“I said–“ Sunggyu raises his voice, but again, he can’t hear past that fragment because someone pulls him and then Doojoon is yelling at him to come to the party at someone’s house (most likely Kibum’s, since Jonghyun is in the team too.)

 “Hold on,” he says, and then he looks at Sunggyu. “Do you want to come? It’ll be fun.”

Sunggyu shakes his head, smiling. For some reason, Woohyun thinks his smile looks different from the one he gave before; it looks too plastic. (He tries to pretend it doesn't look like that so much. He also pretends there's no such thing as disappointment flashing through the older's eyes.)

 “You have fun, Woohyun,” he yells, and this time, Woohyun can hear him clearly. “I’ll be seeing you around.” Then he’s dragged to celebrate with the team again and his friends disappear from his sight.

Woohyun is so focused on that moment that he misses Myungsoo shaking his head, disappointed. He also misses someone he knows standing among the crowds, waving at him.

Sungjong, the boy who hasn't changed a bit.

A month later from that (Horrible? Heart-stirring? Just what can be the correct term for that–) night, Woohyun and Sunggyu are in a business trip to Jakarta when they spend their first night together.

To be fair, Woohyun has to say it’s no one’s fault, really. After their successful meeting with a business rival, and the consequent agreement to the sale of their actions, Sunggyu convinced him to go grab some drinks in order to celebrate. His father (Mr. Kim, a man with tired eyes and far more wrinkles that he should have) joined them for a while, but retired to his room at eleven thirty or so. They kept drinking for some more time, along lively conversations and teases like the ones between people who have known each other all their life and one thing led to another.

Ok, that sounds like an excuse now.

Which leads to their current situation: him, hovering over Sunggyu in the love-seat of the hotel’s room (not sure if his or Sunggyu’s), busy devouring his boss's mouth while the older takes his time to struggle with the buttons of their dress shirts.

He takes a moment to drag himself from Sunggyu’s lips and take out the rest of their clothes. The older male is panting, cheeks flushed and eyes just slightly opened. Woohyun himself is pretty wasted (and alright, horny), but there’s this possibility Sunggyu is worse than him. His boss jerks him out of his musings, pulling him closer into another messy kiss. Woohyun kisses back with the same amount of energy Sunggyu does, tasting the lingering scent of alcohol still on his mouth.

 “ _Woohyun-ah,_ ” Sunggyu breaks the kiss, gasping for air. Woohyun’s hand roam through his thigh, dangerously close to his groin. “ _Woohyun-ah, please_ ” He says again, sending chills down the younger’s spine.

But even in Woohyun’s queasy state, there’s a faint sense of guiltiness. The guiltiness increases when Sunggyu’s eyes flutter open, revealing his dilated pupils. He looks at him like he’s waiting for something, and like that night, he expects something else. He raises his left hand to interlace his fingers with Woohyun's, and then the cold metal presses against his skin. The image of Eunji’s pretty eye-smile flickers through Woohyun’s dizzy mind and––shit. He should know better than kissing his boss––his _married_ boss––in a hotel room that is probably a floor down from his father's and thousands of kilometers away from home when they’re so drunk. And what's even worse, kisses seem not to be the only things on their plans.

He leaves Sunggyu's embrace as fast as if his touch burned––although in a way it does. The older man whines at the sudden loss of warm and pouts. Woohyun hasn’t ever seen Sunggyu this way before, and he almost loses his resolution and lunges at him again. After standing up so suddenly, he staggers until he reaches the bed and sits down. There's a pitcher of water and two glasses on the nightstand, so he takes one and tries to serve himself some. His movements are clumsy, but he manages not to drop the water.

When he finishes drinking, his mind clears a little and everything seems ten thousand times worse. Sunggyu is now next to him, fidgeting, but Woohyun focuses on the blazers thrown on the floor and the ties and shirts and whatever else lying next to them instead. He doesn't feel brave enough to face his boss now, but he might as well give a try. After all, they've already taken it far enough.

 “Sunggyu,” he turns to call the other male, “Listen. We shouldn’t– Your wife–“ He's stumbling with his words and it's making him feel even worse. Thankfully (or not), the older man interrupts him, grabbing the corner of his shirt and tugging Woohyun against him. His eyes are so dark Woohyun loses himself on them for a moment.

 “I know,” he says, sneaking his hands behind Woohyun’s head, (there's an edge of desperation he pretends not to hear), “I'm sorry.” Woohyun looks at him––his glassy eyes that may or may not be because of the alcohol, the sad quirk of his lips––and he thinks that maybe, _maybe_ Sunggyu does, Sunggyu is. “It’s just– Can I– Can I be selfish for a night?”

Woohyun sees him stumbling with his words––he’s never seen Kim Sunggyu stutter before––and his lisp is more noticeable. Sunggyu is giving him a pleading look, and when his eyes flicker for a second to his full body, Woohyun can see the bulge forming on his boxers (He wonders where did all the rest of the clothes went and where?). He doesn't know what he is doing to his auto-control. It’s the first time Woohyun has seen him so vulnerable and he can barely stand it. He gives up, grabbing Sunggyu's left hand again and taking out the expensive ring that adorns his long fingers.

 “Then I'll be selfish too,” he says, leaning for another kiss. The ring that is thrown somewhere in the room makes an empty sound when it falls. And it might be because of his buzzed state, or the dizziness Sunggyu's warmth produces, but Woohyun can swear the sound keeps lingering in the air for the next couple of seconds.

||

17-year-old Woohyun hasn’t seen Sunggyu in a long time. Between stacks of tests and projects, club meetings and College Tours, the older is busier than ever. They haven’t even walked home together in months, and Woohyun starts feeling their separation.

Ironically, Myungsoo, the boy who also lives in the neighborhood and sometimes played with them but Woohyun didn’t really bother to talk to, sees him more often than he sees Sunggyu. He’s younger than Woohyun by a year, kind of introverted, and sometimes comes to ask for tutoring.

 “You should talk to him,” he says when Woohyun is explaining him an equation. It comes so randomly Woohyun wonders what the boy is talking about for a second.

 “To who?” he feigns disinterest, scribbling down the next equation. Myungsoo doesn’t answer, instead, he stares. He does that a lot; Woohyun still can’t get used to it. 

 “I’ve seen him,” Myungsoo says after a minute or so of silence only broken by the pencil scratching on the paper, “he’s not that busy.”

Woohyun sighs. “So? He’s still busy, and I am, too. We’ll see each other later.” It feels like an excuse, but why does he have to make excuses for Myungsoo, of all people?

 “He’ll leave sooner than you think.”

Click.

The pencil tip breaks.

Myungsoo’s fixed stare is more than enough to break Woohyun’s calm façade. He looks up, annoyed, but immediately looks down, trying to calm himself. He looks up again, this time less upset. The truth (and he won’t admit this even to himself) is that he’s scared of how the boy’s words somehow manage to hit on spot.

"Did you hear him that day at the field?"

Woohyun remembers the disappointed glint on Sunggyu's eyes and there's a pang of regret on his chest. "I didn't know you were one for gossiping," he tries to joke, but the atmosphere is cold. Myungsoo's eyes follow him when he stands up to grab a book. When he sits down again, Myunsgoo's eyes are still on him. "I didn't, happy?"

"You should ask him."

"What for? He could have told me later if he wanted to."

Myungsoo sighs. "You are impossible."

 “Hey, is this why you came for?”––It’s surprising he manages to keep his voice even––“I thought you needed help with your homework.”

He's being childish, he knows, but it seems to work. Myungsoo blinks. Once. Twice. Then his intense look softens and he opens and closes his mouth several times. The boy looks a lot younger now, and Woohyun wonders how this boy can change personalities so easily.

 “I no–I sorry,” he stutters, “I… also need help with Geography.”

Woohyun can’t help the small smile that tugs on his lips. He knows Myungsoo is only trying to help.

 “I'll say it again. You should tell him before it’s too late,” Myungsoo says when he’s about to leave. Before Woohyun can reply anything, he closes the main door after stepping outside. Woohyun is left with a mouth half way open and regret tugging at his chest. He should. He probably should.


	3. Chapter 3

     **(**

           interlude i.

“Hyunnie? This is noona. I haven’t seen you at our home these days. Yeah, I know. But even though I’m not living there anymore, you’re not there when I go. Anyway, it’s not like I’m blaming you or something, it just seems strange not having you around. You’ve been with us since forever and now the atmosphere is kind of awkward.

 “Ah, I’m starting to ramble, ha ha. But anyway, I just wanted to say hello. Have you been well? Oh, that’s nice to hear. Ah, ha ha me too. Pretty? Yeah, right. You flatter me. Sunggyu? Well, to tell you the truth, Sunggyu looks different. He’s tired, or sad, or something else, he’s like out-of-place. I know, I know. It might be because of the entrance exams, but he’s not behaving like usual. And then there’s my dad, but oh––I’m getting sidetracked again.

 “Talking about Sunggyu, I wanted to ask you a favor. Anything for me? Oh, where did you learn those lines? Yeah, I wanted to ask you to look out for him while I’m gone, if that’s possible. What? No, I know he’s not a kid anymore, heh. And I also know he’s not looking out for you like a good hyung would. Yes, yes, you’ll try your best? That’s so good to hear! Really, I still remember you two running around covered in sparkles because you were decorating his room. Those were fun times. I hope you don’t keep drifting apart.

 “Ah, yes, yes. I understand it may happen sooner or later. I guess I took your friendship for granted too soon. Oh, don’t worry, no. I should be the one who is sorry. But––yeah, yeah; I understand. Boohyun is calling you for dinner? Oh, say hello to him from me.

 “Well, it was nice to hear you, Woohyun-ah. I hope we see you later. Bye. Yeah, take care you too.”

 

 

 “Hello? Oh, Oppa! How are you? Good, good, me too. Ah, what are you saying. You’re too much of a ladies’ man, ha ha. Just kidding, Just kidding! Yah, didn’t I tell you to call me by my name? It’s already quite some time since we’ve known each other. Yes, exactly! I think we should refer to each other less formally. Right, you know, like you and Sunggyu. You’re too stiff with each other and yet you’re always together. I’ll get jealous, ha ha.

 “What, what? No, wait. I’m just kidding! Heh. Anyway, I wanted to call you because we’re going to have a dinner at home. What are we celebrating? Oh, you’ll see, you’ll see. No, you don’t have to buy a present. But actually, I think one of those homemade candies would be lovely. Yes, yes, the ones you brought the last time you came. God, those were so nice. I wonder where did you learn to make those? I remember you told me, but you know how I am, I don’t know where’s my head. Oh, your brother taught you? I remember you telling me something like that. So he has a restaurant? That’s so nice! Yeah, we should go some time. I’m sure it’s great.

 “What? When is the party? Oh, silly me. Seriously you let me ramble about your candies instead of asking sooner. Ah, what’s wrong with me. It's this Friday! Oh well, I’m sorry. Yeah, I should have told you sooner. Why didn’t Sunggyu tell you sooner? Well, I kind of told him I wanted to be the one to invite you. Ha ha, sorry. Yes, Yes, I understand.

 “Oh and oppa? I don’t know if it’s me, but I have the feeling Sunggyu is acting strange. What? Oh, no. I didn’t think about that. Maybe you’re right, he’s tired from work. It’s good to have someone like you around, he’s usually lazy, and you’re keeping him on track. What, no! Why are you saying that? I’m not mean; I’m just saying the truth. You’re going to tell him? Yeah right. Like he can do something, ha ha.

 “But really, don't you think he’s in an affa––what? No, you’re right. I shouldn’t be thinking that. How can it be, you’re right, you’re right. It's ridiculous, he he.

 “Our family? Yeah, I invited them. Oh, that reminds me. You can bring someone to the dinner. It would be so nice! Now that I think of it, Sunggyu’s sister––yeah, the one who’s working on the branch in Japan––is visiting the country. She’s going to be here, too. She’s pretty, and she’s not married. I can see your grin, I swear!

 “Anyway, I hope to see you soon. Keep being so cheerful? What a weird thing to say, oppa. But thank you, I guess will? Ha ha. Yes, take care!

**)**

 

||

 

25-year-old Myungsoo receives Woohyun with a skeptic look on his face when he opens the door.

Woohyun is at the main entrance, on the same street where he used to live when he was younger. It’s cold; he can feel the October wind caressing his cheeks with cynical effrontery.

 “Aren’t you going to let me in?” he says.

 “Nope,” Myungsoo replies, leaning on the frame door. “I just came back from Ontario yesterday, and you’re already here. Won’t you give me a break?”

Woohyun makes his way in anyway. Inside is warm, and Myungsoo’s mother receives him with the same enthusiasm his own mother did when he went to her house earlier, if not more. They head to Myungsoo’s room (the guest room) after she offers him dinner, to which he replies he already ate at home.

 “Why are you here?” Myungsoo asks when they’re at the room. His luggage is literally _everywhere_ ; he just came back from one of his trips. He works as a photographer on a magazine, a worldwide one. He travels so often he lives more in airplanes than in his home.

 “Why are you always so rude,” Woohyun shots back. “Hyung didn’t teach you to be like that.”

 “What did hyung teach me,” Myungsoo says with sarcasm. “But really, why did you come so suddenly? I thought we were going to the café in Hongdae this weekend with Sungyeol.”

Woohyun sighs when he remembers the reason of his visit, sitting on the bed. The younger male’s suitcase is open, clothes and personal objects lying here and there. He can feel Myungsoo’s eyes analyzing him; he’s always been good at reading people. He roams his hands along the bed, suddenly feeling like a child.

 “Hyung?”

Woohyun looks up. “Why did the mood get so melancholic all of a sudden?” he jokes even though he knows it’s his fault. He looks around. “Did you bring me something? Of course you did. Where is it?”

 “A key chain,” Myungsoo replies, “somewhere under my clothes.”

Woohyun laughs softly, grabbing a couple of his plaid shirts and starting to fold them. Myungsoo is still looking at him from the door-frame. He’s been his friend since they were young and his kite was stuck on the tree on Woohyun’s yard; they know each other better than anybody.

 “What is it, hyung?”

Woohyun sighs again, eyes never leaving the clothes he’s holding. “Remember my boss, Sunggyu?” he says. “The one that I told you about.”

 “The one who you’ve been kissing behind his wife’s back? Yeah.”

Woohyun doesn’t even flinch at the neutral tone of his words; it’s the truth after all. “I’ve been also sleeping with him.” Myungsoo says nothing for a while. Woohyun doesn’t bother to look up, he knows the younger is still looking at him.

“So,” he says after long minutes of silence, leaving the door-frame, “what now?”

Woohyun shrugs, still folding the shirts. “I don’t know. What am I supposed to do?

 “Stop that, you’re like my mom,” Myungsoo says, but still takes the shirts he’s folded and puts them in a drawer. “Well, you need to make a decision, don’t you? He’s married.”

 “I know,” Woohyun says. “It’s just that––I can’t even thought of leaving him, he’s––Aish, this is harder than I thought. He’s everything I always dreamed of.” There’s a pause of silence and then Woohyun chuckles and speaks again, “God, tell me that wasn’t as bad as it sounded.”

 “It was,” The younger nods, amused.

 “Ah, you know what’s funny? Well, not funny––I’m not laughing––Ironical, maybe?” Woohyun muses, “I’m already 26 and here I am, asking for love advice to my best friend who is younger than me and rarely visits the country anymore.”

 “I’m not laughing, but I get you, hyung. It’s obvious you can’t live without your experienced friend who has seen every corner of the world,” Myungsoo replies with playful tone. The tone changes again, however, when the younger male speaks again, “Sunggyu, this man you’re sleeping with. Is he really worth?”

Woohyun nods. “Yes,” he says, “more than anything.”

 “Enough to destroy a marriage?”

Woohyun barks a laugh that is not really meant to be amused. “I think his marriage is already destroyed. It doesn’t make me feel less guilty, though,” he says, leaning to his side, stretching, “but yeah, Sunggyu is worth anything.”

 “Then you’ll have to hang on to him.”

Woohyun leaves some time later, even against the pleas of Myungsoo’s mom. He leans forward and kisses her cheek in gratitude, until Myungsoo takes him and shoves him out of the house. “The key chain,” he says before kicking Woohyun out, “I’ll let Sungyeol choose his first.”

Woohyun laughs; he’d forgotten about that thing. His mood is different now, and only thanks to Myungsoo’s words of encouragement. “Myungsoo,” he calls before entering his car.

 “Yes?”

 “Thank you.”

_Hang on to him, huh? It’s not as easy as it sounds._

 

 

Two days later from Myungsoo’s visit for tutoring, soon-to-be-18-years-old Sunggyu appears in his door. Drunk.

Woohyun is in his room, sleeping, when the doorbell rings. He stands up, dazzled and confused, to see his alarm clock marking 2:34 a.m. Groaning, he thinks whether he should open the door or leave it, because he’s alone and that might be dangerous. But then he hears the person outside yelling “ _Woohyun-ah! Woohyunnie! Hyunnie! Hyu–Hyunnie!”_ and every other possible nickname he can have, and he thinks he can recognize the voice.

He looks through the window of his room, which happens to be on top of the main door, and curses when he realizes it’s Sunggyu––who also happens to be leaning on his door and abusing of the button.

When he opens the door, Sunggyu falls directly on his arms. He reeks of alcohol and maybe even smoke, mumbling _Woohyun-ah, Woohyun-ah_ with a loud and cheery voice improper of him.

 “Hey,” Woohyun receives him with an awkward laugh, “what are you doing here?”

 “Visiting,” Sunggyu answers, making himself comfortable on Woohyun’s shoulder.

 “At two am?”

 “Psssh, whatever.”

He wants to ignore the strong smell of Sunggyu’s mouth so close to his face, but only with mildly success. If the older boy weren’t leaning with all his weight on him, their position would be comfortable. But no, it’s rather awkward, and slightly tiresome.

 “We can’t stay like this. I have to close the door,” Woohyun nudges him. “Help me a little, will you?” he says when Sunggyu leans even more on him.

The other male giggles––Not the cool, grown-up type of giggle he usually has, but the girly type of giggle that gets on his nerves––and stands up like a ragged doll. He stumbles with his steps, trying his best not to trip with his own feet. Woohyun closes the door, looking at him. If he weren’t somewhat worried for his friend, this whole situation would be amusing. Sunggyu manages to make three steps before plunging himself on the couch on the living room, giggling like a little girl again.

He should probably record him.

Woohyun goes to the kitchen to look for something to give the other. It’s been a while since he doesn’t see Sunggyu _this_ drunk, Woohyun thinks. In fact, the first and last time he saw him get drunk was three years ago, when they assaulted the liquor cabinet of Sunggyu’s dad and ended up sick. Sunggyu usually doesn’t drink, and when he does––rare times; after all, they’re still underage––he’s a pretty good drinker. _There must be a reason for it,_ Woohyun thinks, preparing coffee for both of them. He also thinks it’s going to be a long night.

Minutes later, when he’s done, he brings the coffee to Sunggyu. Sunggyu thanks him, still slurring. His lisp is more notorious when he’s drunk. (It’s not supposed to be _this_ cute.)

 “Hyung, what happened?” Maybe asking him in this moment is not the best of the ideas, but he tries anyway.

Sunggyu gulps down the coffee (“not so fast, hyung!”) and shrugs. “You don’t call me Sunggyu anymore,” he says, ignoring his question. Woohyun sighs, thinking _I told you_ to himself.

 “Fine then,” he tries again. “What happened to get you this wasted, _Sunggyu_?”

Sunggyu pouts in a rather un-manly way. “You don’t like me anymore, do you?”

 “What are you talking about?” Woohyun says, hoping Sunggyu doesn’t notice the small quiver on his voice. The question caught him off guard.

 “No, you don’t,” Sunggyu argues back. He can’t help but think the older male looks cute, with his flushed cheeks and almost invisible eyes, stumbling with his words and arguing like a child. Even if he’s drunk, and he’s supposed to be the older hyung; he should be the bragging _I'm the best hyung in the world, am I not?_ type. Woohyun thinks, _How can you not like him?_ “Not you, not her, not even _him._ ”

 “Her? Him?” Woohyun repeats, puzzled. What is Sunggyu talking about? A girlfriend is out of question, he would have told him sooner. Maybe someone else? His sister, or his mother?

          “Yes, him!” Sunggyu swirls his cup in an abrupt movement. “She's not around anymore! And he likes his stupid company better than me! And you don’t even spend time with–” he gulps, blinking rapidly, “–with me.”

          “Why do you think that?” Woohyun asks. The question goes directed to both of Sunggyu’s accusations, but he doesn’t think the other will realize it.

 “’Cause you don’t hang out with me!”––As expected, he doesn’t––“You’re just in practice, and with Myungsoo,” he stares at his cup. “Can you give me more of this drink? It’s good.”

Woohyun takes his cup, swapping it for his own untouched one. _Coffee doesn't sober you up, but at least clears your mind a little_. The older boy takes it and gulps it like it’s water. Sadly for Woohyun, it doesn’t seem to affect him at all. He considers making a stronger one, but that would be his third cup and if they keep going, they’re not going to get any sleep.

 “But Hyunnie,” Sunggyu pouts again, adding _something_ to his nickname that reminds him of those nights when Sunggyu used to tell him amazing stories he made just before going to sleep when they were younger, “don’t you like me anymore?”

 “Of course I do,” he replies without a doubt––Maybe too quickly. Sunggyu’s eyes widen (or open; he’s not sure anymore) and another unmanly giggle breaks through his lips. “You’re my best friend,” he adds, and then the look on Sunggyu’s face changes again.

Woohyun gulps. Goddamn Sunggyu and his (cute) alcohol-fueled mood swings.

 “Yes, I know, but–“ Sunggyu pauses, “but he still wants me to in- inner- in- inherit!" his stuttering is far too amusing, but Woohyun manages to stay still, "in-her-it that company. I can’t make him happy!” he bursts out, raising his hands. This time, the cup flies off his hands and lands on the floor, exploding in millions of pieces.

 “…Oops.”

Woohyun stares at the broken cup, expressionless. His mom is going to kill him for breaking her crockery. But then again, she’s in Mumbai (or was it Miami?), so he has time to prepare an excuse. However, his musings about the cup vanish when he recalls what Sunggyu said. He then realizes he’s talking about his father and his sister. Sunggyu makes a quick movement to stand up from his place, only to fall back on the couch. He tries again, this time slower, but still staggers.

 “Whoa there,” he says. “Sorry Woohyunnie. I’ll get it.”

Woohyun ignores everything he says except the _Sorry_ part; it sounds more like _Showy_. And also the _Woohyunnie_ ; he likes the sound of it, even if it’s slurred by an alcohol-soaked tongue. He grabs Sunggyu’s hand and drags him back to the couch, this time closer to him even though he stinks.

 “Leave it,” he says, “I’ll pick it up.”

Woohyun wants to say more. He wants him to know how much his words affect him. He wants to tell him that it doesn’t matter if his father is not happy with him, he doesn’t (hasn’t ever) need the approval of anyone. He wants to tell him that even if she's not here, his sister still cares a lot about him. He wants to tell Sunggyu it’s a lie he doesn’t like you anymore––he still does, more than ever. But at the end Woohyun doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he and Sunggyu make themselves comfortable in the small couch and fall asleep.

The next day, Sunggyu plays dumb and says he doesn’t remember what happened and why was he drinking (even though Woohyun knows alcohol doesn’t give you amnesia). Woohyun plays along, saying he only said a couple of random things about how much he loves that weird group (Nell; his favorite) and then dropped his cup on the floor. They pick the broken pieces of the cup and have breakfast together, along the younger’s teasing of _hyung giggles like a less-cute version of a schoolgirl_ and the older boy’s futile attempts to defend himself.

Woohyun wants to think Sunggyu really doesn’t remember, because that means he doesn’t remember his cowardly and lack of encouragement.

 

||

 

 

  **(**

interlude ii. Timeless; place-less.

 

 “Hey, Woohyun,” Sungjong calls him.

 “What?”

 “Are you comfortable?”

He fidgets in his place. “I guess you can say so, why?”

 “We’ve been chatting for about an hour.”

 “How do you know?” Woohyun glances at his wrist. The clock hands move counter-clockwise and then go back to normal. “What’s happening? Are we going back in time?”

 “I don’t know,” Sungjong says, grinning. He has this knowing, Cheshire-like smile of his that takes away his credibility. “Time is such an awfully complicated matter, don’t you think?”

It sounds like a dark joke for him.

 

**)**

 

 

||

 

26-year-old Woohyun is in a party at Sunggyu’s house when he hears the news.

Eunji is pregnant.

He is glad his co-workers are busy congratulating Sunggyu and Eunji to notice he barely manages not to drop his glass. His mind tries to register what happened, and then he realizes this is why Sunggyu didn’t look at him when Eunji dragged him to the center of the room to announce the reason behind the party. He feels stupid once he also realizes that’s why Sunggyu had been subtly rejecting him the whole past week.

With recently found anger, he makes his way through the crowd of people around the hosts. Eunji notices him and smiles, motioning him to come over. He obeys, plastic smile forming in his lips. He can’t throw a tantrum here, what would others think?

 “Hey,” he says loudly, hugging her, “congratulations.” He knows Eunji is not at fault; he can’t blame her. Maybe the only one he can blame is himself.

 “Thank you,” she says, hugging back. Nope, he definitely can’t blame her.

 “How come I didn’t know, _hyung_? I thought we were friends,” He says, looking at Sunggyu. He tries his best to sound teasing, but by the looks of it, Sunggyu doesn’t miss the unwitting hurt he puts on his words. Eunji laughs next to him, thinking he’s faking the tone, but Sunggyu looks down.

 “I’m sorry,” he says, and Woohyun tries, he really does, not to flinch at his words, “Eunji wanted to be the one tell you.”

How many apologies have Sunggyu said since the beginning of …this?

_(What is this? He’s taking everything for granted.)_

Woohyun keeps a half smile when he hugs Eunji and Sunggyu again. He also says he’s leaving, faking a yawn (it comes rather realistic, he hasn’t been getting much sleep these days).

Eunji offers to go with him, but he rejects the offer, alleging it’s cold outside and she might get sick. With a pout, she sends Sunggyu instead. Of course, being with Sunggyu is the least thing he wants to do now, but there’s no way to go against her.

 (He bumps into someone when he turns to the door. He’s so focused on leaving that he doesn’t notice who the person is.

Sungjong. A tired smile decorating his young features.)

His car is parked quite far from their house. Sunggyu trails behind him, without a word. Woohyun doesn’t talk, either, but he wishes the older would say something, anything. He feels the steps heavy on the pavement and sees his own breath even with the dim lights.

When they reach Woohyun’s car, he stops all of a sudden and turns to face Sunggyu, who looks so lost in his thoughts that doesn’t notice the stop and bumps into him. Woohyun is fast and catches him before he falls. He grabs him by the shoulders and notices he’s shivering, probably because of the cold; he’s only wearing a light sweater. Unconsciously, he wraps his arms around Sunggyu and pulls him closer. (Just like he did that night in Jakarta; desperate, needy. Funny how the roles are switching back and fort.)

 “I’m sorry,” the older male says. Under the dim lights of the street, Woohyun can see Sunggyu’s breath in the cold air too.

Woohyun gulps. His throat is dry and everything else, numb.

 “For what?” Woohyun says. He doesn’t mean to, but his words sound hurt. He shakes his head, softening the tone. “It’s cold, you should go back.”

 “I should,” Sunggyu agrees, but presses himself closer against Woohyun, burying his face in the crook of his neck and hiding his hands under Woohyun’s jacket.

 “Sunggyu,” he calls him, trying his best to sound nonchalant, “when were you going to tell me?”

Sunggyu’s response is not immediate, but comes after a while. “The day I found out. I was going to tell you right away, but Eunji kept insisting she wanted to give you the news.”

Woohyun gulps, barely managing to keep his voice under control. “Since when,” There’s a crack in his voice that is more likely to be noticed by Sunggyu, but he continues, “Since when is she––“

 “A month,” Sunggyu interrupts.

 “A month,” Woohyun repeats, holding him with more strength. This time is harder to control his voice (to control himself), “when we were, you know…”

Sunggyu doesn’t answer even though the younger trails off, waiting for an answer. Instead, he buries his neck deeper on Woohyun’s neck. Woohyun can feel his hot breath tickling the uncovered skin of his neck, weak, composed. Woohyun waits for another minute or so, and the ultimate lack of response is what it takes for him to explode.

 “Sunggyu God damn it, at least look at me!” He grabs him by the shoulders and shoves him against the car. Sunggyu groans at the coldness of the surface, but still keeps his face down, without saying anything. “Answer me! What kind of sick game are you playing?” Sunggyu gulps, and for a moment he gives the impression of a cornered animal. But then he remembers; Kim Sunggyu is anything but weak.

 “What do you want me to say?” He finds his voice, looking up. “What do you expect from me?” His voice is rising little by little. “I was confused. Have you ever thought how I felt––how I feel? It’s not easy for me either!”

 “But you can’t keep going like that. We can’t keep playing like this!”

 “So this is only a game? You’re only playing?”

"I don't know. Then tell me what the fuck is this!”

        (This.

        You. Me. Us. With her. Without her.

        _This_.)

 “I already told you I’m sorry; I can’t do anything else now!” By this time they’re both close, practically yelling at each other’s faces. “You know more than anyone I didn’t want this to happen!” Sunggyu’s voice cracks. It’s a good thing they’re the only in the street, so no one can see them argue. “I’m tied; I don’t know what to do, I swear I don’t.”

"You're going to have a child, Sunggyu. What do you expect me to do?"

Sunggyu grabs the front of his jacket, tugging him closer. Woohyun gives up, as he always does, and takes him into a fierce kiss. Sunggyu unconsciously tilts his head to his side when the younger leans closer, hands still grabbing the raven jacket. The kiss is hard and painful and their teeth clank painfully. This time is worse than that night when Eunji called him. The regret and the blame are evident, for both parts.

Woohyun leaves Sunggyu’s lips earlier than the older expects. He kisses his cheeks, his chin, and moves to his neck. The skin in front of him is cold, and Sunggyu shivers every time Woohyun’s breathe ghosts along his skin. He’s kissing and sucking and biting and why isn’t he asking him to stop?

 “I’m sorry,” Sunggyu repeats again, as if it could change something. “I’m sorry.”

 

||

 

  **(**

interlude iii.

** Mark the correct answer. **

 [ ] Today  [ ] Tomorrow  [ ] Never  [ ] Someday [ ] Always

 

 “Sunggyu?”

 “Yes?”

 “I love you.”

**)**

 


	4. Chapter 4

16-year-old Woohyun is there when Sunggyu leaves for college.

He’s helping the other pack his belongings and load them on his car. It’s nothing much, a couple of boxes with books and CDs and one or two suitcases with clothes. They keep a small chat every once in a while, but they’re silent most of the time. Sunggyu is chewing his bottom lip when he finds an old album Woohyun and him used to love.

 “Look,” he says, eyes glistening with the excitement proper of a kid.

Woohyun nods, smiling what he hopes looks like a sincere smile. The truth is that he never liked that artist. It’s like Nell or Epik High; he never saw what Sunggyu loved about them. But it made the older boy happy whenever they listened to it, so Woohyun couldn’t say no.

 “I know what you’re thinking,” Sunggyu laughs when he sees his face, placing the album inside a cardboard box they’re going to put on the attic, “’I never liked this artist, but Sunggyu-hyung was mad about him,’ is that so?” He looks at him with a playful smile and Woohyun wonders when he became so transparent.

He nods, embarrassed. “Was I that obvious?” He asks, taking another of the CDs, “Look, I remember you broke on of these and we have to replace it because your mom would be mad.”

 “You’ve always liked pop music better” Sunggyu replies. “Especially Girl Groups like Orange Caramel. If I remember, you were the one who broke it and _I,”_ he points to his chest _,_ “had to replace it.”

 “Whatever,” Woohyun says. Then, he feels a slight shove on his shoulder and he turns to see Sunggyu grinning mischievously.

Suddenly, they’re like children again. Woohyun throws himself at Sunggyu with a kid-like battle cry. The older boy fails to avoid him and crumbles under his weight. Woohyun rolls on his sides, making sure to crush him as much as he can. Sunggyu groans in annoyance, trying to free himself. He kicks and throws punches at the air, only to be stopped by Woohyun and his childish strength.

Their enthusiasm runs out soon, however, and they decide to lie on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Woohyun accommodates his head on Sunggyu’s stomach, hands on his own. Sunggyu puts a hand behind his head, using it as a pillow, while the other roams through Woohyun’s raven locks.

 “Orange Caramel is not a girl group,” Woohyun says after a while, making it sound like he’s been thinking about it for a long time. “It’s a sub-unit.”

Sunggyu bursts out laughing. “So what. You still like them better than Nell, which says a lot about your music taste.”

 “Well of course I would,” Woohyun argues, turning to his side. “Who wouldn’t prefer sweet cute girls who dance and sing instead of those bearded thugs?”

Sunggyu giggles––a pleasant sound, not like the drunken chuckles from nights before. “You are so superficial.”

 “I still like Run, if that serves for something.”

 “That’s from Epik High.”

 “Whatever.”

The rest of the afternoon goes like that; between _do you remember_ s and _I thought you were_ s and _I couldn’t believe you did_ s. Sunggyu tells him everything he remembers about their past, but Woohyun thinks he forgets –or simply decides to ignore– important details.

Details like the color of Nicole’s beads they threw to the river when she accused them of pulling her hair (white; Sunggyu’s favorite). Details like how their smiles grew bigger when they finished decorating his room as a galaxy (Sunggyu’s eyes disappearing). Details like the shape of his wounds they had to bandage themselves after they got into a fight and didn’t want their parents to worry (like the ugly color of Sunggyu’s bruises on the later days).

 (Details like how his eyes seemed to glow after he finished composing a lyric. Of how his smile blinded––blinds––him and he feels like drowning _drowning_ every time they’re together but he can’t come closer.)

Woohyun wants to include all of that in their conversation, but the appropriate time never comes. The appropriate time for Woohyun to say that he loves him doesn’t come, either.

Maybe it never will.

 “You always loved music,” Woohyun says after they’re done putting a box full of albums and collectible vinyl discs on the attic. The thought comes spontaneously, like a simple musing.

 “I still do,” Sunggyu replies, looking at the boxes with a well-hidden longing expression on his face. “I thought we were done with the topic like three hours ago.”

Woohyun shrugs. “Then why?”

 ( _Why are you leaving?_ )

 “Why what?” Sunggyu asks. Woohyun doesn’t answer, and the silence between them extends. Maybe it’s not a simple musing; it holds a deeper meaning. Then, Sunggyu looks at him again, something flickering on his eyes so fast Woohyun thinks he’s imaging it. “I think I know where this is going.”

And he laughs. A soft laugh that sounds too false for his liking, nothing like the kind and calming laugh he usually has. Woohyun gulps, throat suddenly dry.

 “I just wanted to know,” he finds his voice, trying to gain courage, “why are you leaving what you’ve loved all your life to please your father.”

At that moment, Woohyun would like Sunggyu to look down, embarrassed, and to say _you’re right_ and not to leave him. But it doesn’t happen; Sunggyu is not someone who looks down, too proud to accept his embarrassment, and if he’s making a mistake, he’ll do it if it’s for someone else. He also knows that Sunggyu has already left him. Maybe some time ago.

Sunggyu doesn’t say anything, but as expected, doesn’t look down (When has he?). He stares at Woohyun, speechless, except that Woohyun knows he’s not quite looking directly at his eyes. He’s probably focusing on some part of him like the forehead the nose; or even on the background behind him. He does that when he’s not sure of what to do, Woohyun knows.

 “I can’t believe you gained enough courage to finally say that,” Sunggyu says and then barks a laugh––hostile, dry; that’s how it sounds for Woohyun. “Congratulations, now we can move on.” He walks out of the attic, leaving a dumbfounded Woohyun behind.

 “Hyung, wait.” Sunggyu stops, but doesn't look back. “I’m sorry, I really am,” he tries to apologize (and then he messes up), “but I can’t help it. I know you don’t want to go. Your sister can take over. You can do whatever you like. You can stay. I– We–“

 “Enough.” Sunggyu’s voice is definite, resonating through the empty house. A part of him, a part of Woohyun, is almost happy he was stopped; otherwise he’s sure he’d splutter everything he’s thinking, the details about their past and confession included. “Is that why you came for? To tell me I don’t know what I’m doing? As a way to restrain me? I didn’t know you were that childish.”

Childish. That reminds him of how Sunggyu used to treat him when they were younger; like those times when Sunggyu looked down at him and patted his head. A kid, is that how Sunggyu’s been thinking of him all these years? Is that how Sunggyu still sees him? He’ll pretend that Sunggyu’s words don’t hurt them, that his voice doesn’t sound bitter, and that he can bite his tongue and play like an adult.

 “You’re right, _hyung_ ,” he says, sighing, although he doesn’t mean it. “I’m sorry.”

Sunggyu releases a breath he didn't know was holding, relaxing his shoulders. “Just forget it, let’s go,” he says. Are you still going to help me load my stuff in the car? It’s getting late.” He looks back at him and his plastic smile staggers.

Later, when Sunggyu has everything loaded in and he’s ready to go, his real smile comes back––a little sad and crooked, but still breathtaking. He says something along the lines of _I’ll miss you_ and _I’ll be home for holidays._ Woohyun also mumbles something back, he doesn’t remember what, but as banal as Sunggyu’s words.

He leaves and the only thing Woohyun sees is the back of the car disappearing in the corner. He pretends he doesn’t feel the windy afternoon of the decaying summer or the echo of desolation on his chest. He also pretends he’s not looking that pathetic and he’s truly happy for his friend.

It doesn’t quite work well.

 

||

 

  **(**

interlude iv.

** Mark the correct answer. **

 [ ] Today  [ ] Tomorrow  [x] Never  [ ] Someday [ ] Always

 

 “Sunggyu?”

 “Yes?”

 “I love you.”

**)**

 

 

||

        

Woohyun is 27 years old when he breaks up with Sunggyu.

 (But, in a sense, how can you ‘break up’ with someone you’re not sure you’re in a relationship with?)

It’s not in his plans, though. It’s more like it comes in the spur of the moment. But it was bound to happen, he tries to convince himself, someday.

They’re at the office, hours after everyone has gone home. Even Sunggyu’s father, the soon-to-be retired president of the company, is in his own house by now. The security guards are still somewhere in the building, though, but they don’t bother to come close to Sunggyu’s office unless they’re called.

Sunggyu is lying in the desk, legs obscenely parted while Woohyun thrusts into him. His shirt is open and hanging on his shoulders, revealing his pale skin covered in a thin film of sweat. His pants are lying somewhere on the floor, next to the rest of his and Woohyun’s attire. Woohyun is kind of in the opposite situation when it comes to clothes. He still keeps his on, with the exception of his blazer and his shirt. His body is covered in a flimsy layer of sweat as well.

He leans over Sunggyu, licking the pearls of sweat forming on his forehead. Unlike other times, he takes his time to observe the man under him. He wants to think that he has the time, that _they_ have all the time in the world. Sunggyu moans when he thrusts deeper, but is still not enough not enough for him.

 “Faster,” he begs, locking his hands behind his neck and wrapping his legs around Woohyun’s waist, eyelids fluttering, but not completely open. His ankles dig on Woohyun’s back, and it hurts, but it’s trivial enough to stand it. Woohyun complies, as he always does, and tries to increase his speed. “Harder.”

It’s late, past one or two a.m., but neither of them seems to care. Fortunately, the desk is strong enough to support their weight. Woohyun pulls out, ignoring the small whimper and the instinctive buck of the hips of the older man, and turns him around so that now he’s lying on his stomach.

He thrusts into Sunggyu again, the new angle making him moan even louder. He gasps and scratches the desk when Woohyun’s hands caress the flesh of his inner thighs, coming close to the entrance being abused, but not quite enough to touch his neglected member. “Hard enough?” he whispers, along with a trail of other words that make him shiver. The older man is about to reply something, but at that moment Woohyun hits a soft bundle of nerves inside him and he’s reduced to a writhing mess.

 “Woohyun I––” Sunggyu struggles with his words, a heavy fog of lust clouding his mind. “I’m––I, _Woohyun-ah,_ ” he mumbles other intelligible words, arching his back and pressing himself further against his lover.

 _I’m close_ is what Sunggyu wants to say. Woohyun understands it––that and the sudden tightness around his member. He himself is close too, but he wants to hold on a little longer. His hands, now steady on Sunggyu’s hips, press with more strength, and a part of him is pretty sure it’s going to leave bruises, but he doesn’t put much thought about it.

And neither does Sunggyu, apparently. He raises his head, pressing against Woohyun’s shoulder, and comes with a rowdy and dragged groan that keeps echoing in Woohyun’s ears for the next seconds (Just like the wedding ring falling on the carpet that night). He’s about to come too. The overwhelming warmth coming from Sunggyu, who is squirming uncontrollably, is becoming unbearable for him.

But it’s then when Sunggyu’s phone, which is located in a far corner of the desk, starts ringing. And what’s worse it’s that Woohyun, more than anyone, knows that ring tone by heart. Sunggyu is still coming down from his high, gasping and trembling, but manages to talk.

 “Don’t answer,” he says, panting. “You––keep going.”

Woohyun does what is told, but the phone keeps ringing, getting on his nerves. It’s something more than the phone; though. It suddenly reminds him who they are, what are they doing and where––It feels like a cold shower. He pulls out, unable to stand it anymore, and takes the phone. Sunggyu is still trying to calm himself, too lost to stop him.

 “Hello?” he says, hoping Eunji doesn’t notice the slight pant that follows the word.

 “ _Woohyun?_ ” She says. “ _Oh my god, I’m so glad, are you with Sunggyu?”_

Apparently she doesn’t. Good.

 “Yes, I’m with him,” he pauses for a second to direct his gaze to the other male. “We’re in the office.”

Sunggyu turns around, licking his lips. The movement seems sensual enough for Woohyun, who is still hard. Gladly, he’s looking at the floor, so he misses Woohyun’s gulping. He manages to stand up and go for tissues to clean the mess he’s made on the desk.

 “ _Oh, thank god,”_ Eunji’s voice sounds strange, “ _I was so worried.”_

 “Eunji, have you been crying?” he asks her when realization hits him, sitting on the chair that has been put aside long time ago. He observes Sunggyu’s movements –another lick of lips, his hand running through his hair––and they all seem oddly sexual.

 “ _No, what are you saying,”_ She answers, faking a laugh, but her voice cracks. He finds himself frozen with self-loath when he hears her sobbing on the phone, and it’s partially his fault.

 “Eunji, hey. Come on. Don’t cry,” he tries to encourage her, but no useful things come out of his mouth. “Everything is okay, don’t worry.”

However, every kind of thought about Eunji leaves him when he sees Sunggyu coming closer to him. He has a guilty look on his face, but it changes to an unreadable one when he shakes his head. Under the artificial lights of the office, he can see the dilated pupils. Something clicks when Sunggyu kneels in front of him, eyes never leaving his, and he realizes his intentions.

Woohyun panics, grabbing Sunggyu’s head in an attempt to stop him. But it’s too late; Sunggyu grabs his cock, slowly starting to stroke him, as if he’s trying his best to be careful. He lets out a strangled sound, making his best to separate the phone from his mouth, and it’s almost successful.

Eunji says something on the phone, but in that same moment, Sunggyu’s hands are replaced with his mouth, and it’s far from perfect because his teeth get in the way where they shouldn’t and his gag reflexes aren’t the best but––Woohyun has to bite his lips so hard that they start bleeding.

 “I’m sorry, what where you saying?” Woohyun nearly hisses when Sunggyu starts bobbing his head up and down with a speed he wonders _where did it come from?_

 “ _I was asking if Sunggyu’s is there,”_ she says. Meanwhile, Sunggyu does this interesting thing with his tongue Woohyun didn’t know he was able to and he lets out a mixture between a gasp and a pathetic sob. “ _Are you okay, Woohyun? You sound strange.”_

 “Yeah, I’m alright. I just tripped over something,” he lies, proud of himself to keep his voice even. “Don’t worry, Sunggyu went to the bathroom, d-do you want me to––“ Sunggyu alternates his pace, slow then fast then slow again, teasing the tip of his cock with his tongue, and Woohyun nearly comes, “do you want me to look for him?”

If Woohyun thought kissing Sunggyu back was the first thing on the list of _things you shouldn’t be doing with your boss,_ he has enough incidents by now to prove that wrong. _Receiving a blowjob while you’re in the phone with his wife_ surely goes way, way above.

  _“Woohyun? Are you sure you’re okay?”_

 “Yes, I’m just kind of––tired.”

  _“Ah, I suppose you’re still working,”_ She laughs softly. Hey, the bright side is that she’s not crying anymore, at least.

Woohyun nods stupidly, and Sunggyu giggles at his action. His laugh sends vibrations through his cock. He chokes a _yes_ and buries the hand tangled on Sunggyu’s hair deeper, wondering for a second when it got there. “ _Alright, then I’ll wait for him. Don’t overwork yourself too much, guys. It’s late.”_

Woohyun makes an agreement sound, and says goodbye with what’s left of his voice. When she hangs up, he tosses the phone somewhere, thrusting deeper into Sunggyu’s mouth. The other makes a grunting sound at the rough treatment, but it only causes more vibrations and Woohyun is gone.

He comes, shutting his eyes close and throwing his head back in pleasure. He fails to see in the slightly shocked expression on the other’s eyes and the white, glossy substance escaping from his lips. Woohyun tries his best to control himself, but his voice betrays him, and he ends up letting a deep moan erupt.

When he comes down from his high, Woohyun looks back at Sunggyu, carefully untangling his hands from his hair, and glances with odd fascination the movements of the other, still panting.

Without a word, the older stands up and goes to his desk. He takes a tissue and spits, using another to clean his face. His movements are clumsy and graceless, but the tired yet comforting and shy smile he gives after makes up for it. After throwing them in the trashcan, he goes back and sits on Woohyun’s lap, straddling him.

His hands find their place on Woohyun’s shoulders and his face on the crook of his neck––a place he seems to like a lot. Woohyun laughs softly when he realizes the other man is embarrassed. His own hands instinctively embrace him and hold him tight.

 “Sunggyu,” he calls him when his laughter dies and everything becomes so quiet he can hear the soft humming of the heater and their heartbeats coming at ease, “do you think about this?”

 ( _This_ again. How do you refer to _This?_

 _Us._ That’s what he means. _As much as I do._ That’s what he wants to say)

His voice fails to reflect how much he’s worried about the matter, but Sunggyu still nods––still _understands._

 “I do. Always,” he says. “And I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything about you– _Us_ ,” Sunggyu voice is soft on his neck, and he presses chaste kisses in the uncovered skin every time he pauses. “I’ve never. Not ever since that day at the restaurant, or that night in Jakarta. And nothing can change that.”

Then, silence rises again, but there’s a question lingering in the air. _Do you_? Woohyun knows Sunggyu wants to ask.

 “You more than anyone knows that I don’t regret it either,” Woohyun says, hoping Sunggyu realizes he _means_ _it_ , because he really does. But still, it takes all his resolution to say what comes next. “But we’ve been selfish enough.”

Sunggyu tenses, but doesn’t say anything for a while. He keeps his head resting on Woohyun’s shoulder. His breathing is becoming slow-paced and deep, and Woohyun is starting to believe he fell asleep when the other asks, “Do you want to stop?”

He sighs; he was expecting the question. “Yes,” he says. _No,_ he thinks. _Never,_ he wants to say.

 (No no no no no.)

 “Woohyun,” he starts after long minutes have passed and Woohyun releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Woohyun-ah. Woohyunnie.” He’s starting to wonder what does Sunggyu want to say––and why is he adding such an emotional tone to his voice––when the older speaks again, the ghost of a smile (sad yet beautiful) echoing in his words. “It comes kind of naturally, don’t you think?”

Woohyun nods, understanding settling on him. “Even though we’ve never treated each other familiarly.”

Sunggyu laughs, sitting up so that he’s completely facing Woohyun. Woohyun looks at him, at his eyes. They’re not dilated anymore, but red around the edges, and he tries his best to ignore how watery they are. “I managed to get you to call me Sunggyu.”

 _Sunggyu_ ; Instead of _Hyung_ , instead of _Gyu_. Then, an idea pops in his head.

 “Sunggyu,” he says, trying to pour every bit of emotion he has for the other man in every syllable of his name. “Would you’ve preferred I called you like that? _Sunggyu_? _”_

Sunggyu nods, closing his eyes (Thank you, Woohyun wouldn’t have resisted otherwise). He leaves Woohyun’s embrace, standing up to look for his clothes.

 “It would’ve been nice,” he says, looking around for his pants. Woohyun wants to say he could have said it before. He also wants the warmth of Sunggyu’s body back. But he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stands up too, taking Sunggyu’s actions as a cue to start redressing.

 “Where’s my–“

 “Next to the laptop case,” Sunggyu doesn’t let him answer, knowing Woohyun means _shirt_. After putting on his pants, he speaks again. “You threw it there. Now, where did you put my–“

 “Phone?” Woohyun chuckles leaning over to take the phone from the floor, “It’s here. I _threw it_ before, thanks to someone.”

Sunggyu takes the phone from his hand with a smile tugging at his lips. “I’m sorry?” he teases, but then he looks at the desk and––

 “Shit,” he says, taking a tissue from the box next to a pencil case discarded on the floor, picking up the supplies too.

         “What?”

         “There’s still some,” Sunggyu says, motioning the whiteness spread on the mahogany desk. Woohyun bites his lips to hold back his laughter. When Sunggyu is done, he throws the dirty tissue in the thrash and moves back to find his shoes, but he winces.

 “Woohyunnie?”

 “Yes, Sunggyu?” Woohyun plays along the nickname card. He watches with amusement how the older man turns to him––maybe too sharply, as he winces again.

 “I think you were a little too harsh,” It’s the only thing he says. He says it so seriously Woohyun can’t hold back his laughter.

 “I’m sorry?” He repeats Sunggyu’s words, buttoning his shirt. When he’s done, he leans against the desk and asks him to come closer. Sunggyu complies, even though it’s past three by now and Eunji is most likely to still be waiting for him. He stops struggling with his socks and goes to Woohyun, who holds him again.

 “Sunggyu,” Woohyun calls him. It gives him a pleasant feeling saying his name in such a familiar way, and he regrets not saying it earlier. But then again, he regrets a lot of things.

 “Hmm?” Sunggyu’s head is resting on Woohyun’s shoulders again. Even though he’s older, and taller, he likes to be embraced by the other man.

 _I love you,_ Woohyun thinks all of a sudden. He wants to say it, but maybe it’s too late; maybe it’s always been.

 “I’m quitting,” he says, trying to sound cool about it. The truth is, those words, his own words, are killing him.

Sunggyu breaks free from his grip faster than he expects him to do.

 “No,” he says, voice firm. He looks at Woohyun, and the younger notices his eyes are still watery, and still red. “No,” he repeats, this time as desperate as that night in that hotel room. He’s looking for something in Woohyun’s eyes, something that tells him it’s a lie. He ends up with a weak “please, don’t. I––”

Woohyun takes him again, this time as gently as he can. “I’m sorry,” it’s the only thing he says.

 “There’s nothing I can do about it, can I?” Woohyun shakes his head, not trusting his voice. “Here I am, trying to be so casual about it.” Sunggyu sighs, this time his voice sounds calmer.

 “Don't worry,” Woohyun tries to reassure. His voice comes rather weak and dry, but still keeps a warm tone. What else can he say?

 “I’m sorry,” Sunggyu pauses. Then, he lets out a giggle when he adds, “or should I say I’m grateful?”

 “I’m grateful too,” Woohyun agrees. “These have been the best months in my life.”

 “Fuck,” Sunggyu hits him playfully, “that’s the cheesiest thing I’ve heard you say in the time I’ve known you.”

“But I mean it,” Woohyun says. He leans in, kissing Sunggyu’s cheek. It’s a chaste kiss, leaving a warm trace, like a soft breeze of summer. “I mean it.”

Sunggyu giggles again, and Woohyun would’ve liked to know better this Kim Sunggyu, who acts like a leader and follows what he thinks it’s best for others but has his weaknesses and giggles like a teenager.

But Sunggyu’s laughter dies too quickly for Woohyun’s liking and moments later, Woohyun tries to pretend he doesn’t feel his shirt wetting and doesn’t hear Sunggyu’s faint sobs. He also has to pretend he doesn’t hear the _I could’ve been with you_ s and _I wouldn’t leave you_ s and maybe even a faint _I could’ve fought to be with you._

He fails anyway.

 

||

 

17-year-old Woohyun meets Sungjong for the second time (or the third one if we count that day at the soccer game) on a cold day of winter while he’s more or less window-shopping. They bump into each other when Woohyun is walking down the street and Sungjong happens to be leaving a store.

 “Woohyun,” the boy yells excited after he recognizes him, “it’s been a while!”

Sungjong is exactly the same boy with big innocent eyes he met on that rainy day. It doesn’t make sense, how could he stay like that all these years?

 “Ah… Sungjong,” he says, still dumbfounded, “you haven’t changed.”

 “You think? These new makeup products make wonders,” Sungjong giggles, but Woohyun is still skeptical. “Anyway, are you busy?”

He’s not; he was just wandering around the main streets of the district, trying to distract himself from the emptiness that is waiting for him at home. Shaking his head, Woohyun sees how the boy’s eyes widen in excitement.

 “Great! That way you can treat me a coffee.”

When they enter a small café located in a corner of the block, the first thing Woohyun notices is the vintage-looking cuckoo clock attached to the wall. Sungjong doesn’t leave him time to admire him, however, as he drags the older boy to a table and orders for both.

 “How have you been?” Sungjong asks like they’ve known each other for years.

Woohyun shrugs but plays along. “Good, I guess. How about you?”

 “Good!” he says. Every word the younger male says comes with an edge of excitement, he notices, of empathy. “School is kind of kicking my ass, but I’m managing.”

 “How old are you?” Woohyun can’t help his curiosity. Now that he’s unwittingly hanging out with this stranger, and he’s paying for the coffee and biscuits, he might as well keep the conversation going.

Sungjong looks unsure for a second, but his expression goes back to normal almost instantly. “Two years younger”

 _What an odd response_ , Woohyun thinks. “Really?”

 “Yeah, aren’t you 17? Then I’m 15,” Sungjong says. Now he sounds more convinced, but Woohyun has the feeling the boy is hiding something.

A girl brings their orders and they keep chatting about trivial things. Sungjong is not bad; he has a witty sense of humor and a liberal way of thinking that Woohyun finds oddly interesting.

 “Ah, winter is so melancholic, don’t you think?” Sungjong says after their conversation dies a little. Woohyun nods, drinking what’s left of his coffee, when his phone rings.

 

        From: Sunggyu-hyung

        I’ll be home for the holidays, remember?

 

 (That’s a thing about Kim Sunggyu; he believes in organization even for text messages.)

Woohyun feels Sungjong’s eyes fixated on him, giving him a slightly interested look. He plays with his thumbs, indecisive of what to reply. He settles for putting his phone back on his pocket without replying anything. He can answer Sunggyu later.

 “Sorry,” Woohyun says, “what were you saying?”

 “Nam Woohyun,” Sungjong says (Woohyun is pretty sure he never told him his surname) “is it difficult?”

Woohyun blinks. “What do you mean?”

 “To have a one-sided love,” Sungjong explains, “is it difficult?” This time his voice is nothing like the cheery tone he’s been used in the past minutes. It’s something more nostalgic, like the one from the day they met for the first time, Woohyun recalls.

Woohyun chews his bottom lip, thrown-off. “How do you know?” he asks, bewildered. Sungjong doesn’t say anything; he’s waiting for a reply. Woohyun sighs, some kind of force obligating him to tell. Well, it’s not like this random stranger will go and tell Sunggyu, will he? He doesn’t have anything to lose. “I guess,” he says. Then, with more certitude, “yes, it does.”

 “Nam Woohyun, Kim Sunggyu,” Sungjong muses, playing with the straw of his drink, “I made a mistake with you.”

How does this kid know their names? Woohyun is confused, and no, it’s not the ‘ _I think I’m in love with my best friend’_ kind of confused that he was when he was younger. It’s more like a _I’m not getting what the fuck are you talking about and I'm going to freak out_ type of confused. Woohyun is so caught on his own thoughts he misses Sungjong calling him.

 “Woohyun, _Woohyun,_ ” Sungjong repeats, this time a bit louder, “I said I can help you.”

 “How can you help me? I barely know you. And how do you know our names?”

 “Yes. But I’ve known you all your life,” Sungjong hisses, this time inimically (Woohyun would be fascinated with the boy’s sudden change of façades if he wasn’t in this situation). He’s ready to leave, when the boy grabs him by the wrist and tugs. “Listen, you have to trust me. I can help you. Just let's talk for a moment.”

This should be the part where he starts freaking out but no, Woohyun snorts because of how cliché it sounds. Sungjong? This kid?

 “What do you have to offer?” he asks, mildly amused. Deciding it may be entertaining to hear the boy’s response, he sits back down. 

 “I already told you! This is the reason I met you; to help you!” Sungjong holds the bridge of his nose, clearly annoyed, “Kim Sunggyu wasn’t supposed to be _here.”_

Woohyun freezes and then looks around. “Sunggyu is here?”

 “No! Not here, you stupid––I mean, never mind. What do you prefer,” Sungjong changes the focus, leaning forward on the table, “keep waiting for something––someone––is never going to come, living your life alone, and pushing everyone else aside…”

 “Or…” Woohyun can’t help but lean closer, Sungjong’s words awakening his curiosity.

 “Or, restarting your life, Sunggyu free,” Sungjong leans even closer, breath ghosting on Woohyun’s lips, “you don’t meet him, you don’t ever fall in love with him.”

Woohyun thinks about it for a second. He thinks of Sunggyu, who is now in College and probably will bring a pretty girlfriend when he comes back for the holidays. He thinks of Myungsoo, and Nicole, and Key, and everyone else he’s ever rejected in favor of Sunggyu. He thinks of Sunggyu, he thinks of the kid he met years ago and decided to call _Sunggyu_ and felt in love with, even though they’re both males and have a lot to lose and what would happen if maybe––

 “Yes,” he says after long minutes of silence, “help me.”

 

17-year-old Woohyun forgets his childhood friend, Sunggyu.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, re-reading after years: mmhhmm, i see i see. this is fucked up


	5. Chapter 5

**(**

interlude v.

 “You have two lines apparently parallel; independent from each. Still, they go together, lying in close proximity. But then, one of them starts waving, rippling; and the next thing you know is that they’re coming closer and closer until they touch.

Want to know something else? One of these _lines_ comes from the other.

 [and here’s where you ask, isn’t that impossible?]

Time is such an awfully complicated matter, isn’t it?

**)**

 

||

 

Woohyun is 27 when he meets Sungjong for the second (third?) time.

He’s certainly not in the best of his conditions. It’s raining and his umbrella is long forgotten at home, and to make things worse, his car is parked five blocks away from the place where he was being interviewed for a job. But he can’t be blamed, who carries around an umbrella in the middle of December.

Well, at least is not snowing.

He sighs, frustrated, and sits down on an already cold and wet bench on the park he finds. He’s already soaked and tired from the former run to (unsuccessfully) avoid the weather, a little more of water won’t kill him. The place is relatively quiet, with the downpour being the only echo around.

Woohyun remembers his phone. Fishing for the object on his pockets, he hopes it’s not wet or damaged. When he finds it, he tries his best to cover it from the rain and, at the same time, check it. But then he stops feeling the rain in his shoulders and he’s confused for a moment.

He looks up, wondering if the rain stopped, and sees a boy––Sungjong? Was that his name?––In front of him, covering him with a black umbrella.

 “Do you need help?” Sungjong asks, showing him a kind smile, and Woohyun feels like déjà vu.

Woohyun lets out a weak laugh. “You shouldn’t bother, I’m already wet.”

Sungjong shrugs. “So what?” he says. “It’s not like it’s going to hurt you to be covered.” Woohyun sighs because the kid has a point.

 “Anyway,” the boy continues, “can I invite you some coffee? This time it’s on me.”

He’s wondering what the younger male means––and most importantly, why?––when he feels a strong pull and suddenly he’s on his feet again. The boy surely looks weak, but he’s strong enough to drag him down the street to a café he doesn’t recognize, but reminds him of something he’s seen before.

They enter, Woohyun making his best not to wet the floor, but the employee shakes her head and invites him to enter anyway. Inside it’s warm, and one thing that catches Woohyun attention is an old, vintage-looking cuckoo clock. The sensation of déjà vu invades him again. It feels oddly nostalgic, the place.

 “So,” Sungjong says after they sit down and order, “how are you doing?”

There’s something in his voice that indicates _he knows_. Woohyun doesn’t know how, but there’s something that tells him Sungjong’s question is directed to whatever he’s been through for the past two years. It’s been almost two weeks since he doesn’t see Sunggyu. He shrugs, without knowing what to say.

 “It must be hard, don’t you think?” Sungjong muses, “leaving the person you love the most, without saying you love them.”

Woohyun’s throat goes dry and freezes, cold shiver running through his spine. This time that _something_ that tells him about Sungjong’s knowledge throbs more insistently.

 “What do you mean?” he says, incredulous. Sungjong’s smile freezes, and suddenly, he feels naked under the younger male’s gaze.

 “What I’m saying, Nam Woohyun,” he pauses, (Woohyun is pretty sure he never told Sungjong his surname), “is that you’re the most insecure and coward human being I’ve met in my life. My life. And that says a lot.”

Woohyun laughs softly, mildly amused with himself because he’s acting far too coolly for this bizarre situation. “Who are you? No wait, who are you to talk to me like that?”

Sungjong sighs. “I was the person in charge of your life,” he says. “You’re not going to believe me, but I’m saying my first mistake was to put Kim Sunggyu in this lifetime, and even worse, so close to you.”

 “What?” Woohyun asks, skeptical. He was suspecting this Sungjong boy wasn’t common, but his words are confirming his suspicions. “What are you talking about?”

 “Don’t make me repeat myself, you asshole.”

Woohyun is feeling even more confused (and slightly offended) with the boy’s words, when his head feels heavy and all of a sudden he’s confused and dizzy. A wave of fragments floods his mind.

It’s him. And Sunggyu is there, too. But that’s not the same Sunggyu he knows. Sunggyu and him––a younger version of them––are playing in the street. In another fragment of them, they’re both in a dark room, curled up against a blanket, eyes glued to the television. He sees a room (Sunggyu’s?) covered in a galaxy of those stars that glow in the dark and you can stick to the wall, and the boy next to him is grinning proudly.

There’s a Sunggyu who’s directing a play and there’s another one who pours his emotions in a piece of paper and him––a 13-year-old version of him––observing with hopeless admiration every movement of the older boy. And suddenly it’s not him and Myungsoo trying to untangle his kite from a tree like he remembers, it’s Sunggyu climbing up and untangling it for them.

 “What is this?” Woohyun, the one from the present, asks with bewilderment. He raises his hand to rub his eyes as a reflexive movement. There are tears on his cheeks he doesn’t know how or when they got there.

Sungjong smiles––it’s a neutral smile. “As I said some time ago, I made a mistake with you. It’s just that this mistake became two, and now we’re like this.”

He pauses when a girl brings them their orders. When she’s done, Sungjong uses this as an opportunity to take out a tissue and lend it to Woohyun.

 “Thanks. But I’m not getting anything you’re saying,”

 “Because Nam Woohyun and Kim Sunggyu are needle and thread, aren’t they?” Sungjong says, and Woohyun lets an unwary giggle because there’s a faint sense of familiarity with that statement. But the boy changes his tone once he speaks again. “If you’re in the same, let’s say, universe, as him,” he explains, “you’re most likely to be attached to him in a way or another.

 “That's where our main problem resides. It was my mistake to put him here, yes; you were supposed to find yourself a pretty girl and marry her and have two or three good-looking children. But Sunggyu’s arrival altered the order of everything”

 “Then why didn’t you––” he gulps at the mere thought, “why didn’t you… take him back?”

 “Are you crazy?” Sungjong’s face is altered, but he’s slightly trembling with anger. “I can’t simply make him disappear! He already made an impact in every life he came in contact with. But anyway,” He continues, suddenly calming down, “I decided to let him there, and see how your relationship progressed, and you kept pushing yourself back every goddamn time.

 “It was seriously driving me crazy, so I decided to help you a little, do you remember that, our meeting here? You accepted my help and I thought it would be a good idea to make you forget. After all, that way you could find yourself your nice girlfriend and go on with your life as I planned and Kim Sunggyu could live whatever standard life he wanted. Win-Win situation, isn’t it?

 “That’s where my second mistake came. I was careless and when I realized, you’ve already met Kim Sunggyu and fell in love with him. Again. And what’s worse, you lost him _again_ for being so stupid and coward,” Sungjong’s voice rises with every sentence until it reaches a point where both the other customers and employees are staring at them, annoyed. Woohyun covers his face with a hand embarrassed, trying to digest Sungjong’s fantastic explanation that sounds more like a rant.

 “Lower your voice,” he mumbles, still covering his face.

Sungjong looks around, blushing when he sees the odd looks from people near to them. He apologizes with a sheepish smile, bowing his head repeatedly.

 “So what you’re saying is that you control time and messed up my life, my love life, for the sake of order?” Woohyun summarizes, confused with his own words. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

 “First of all, no, I don’t control time. That’s Daeryong and Soryong’s job.” Woohyun has to restrain himself from asking _who the hell those dragon people are_ because this is giving him a headache already. “And I know right?” Sungjong continues, “it’s confusing me as well. But yeah, you kinda have the general idea.”

 “So what now?” Woohyun asks. “Do I go home and sit down to think about how twisted is my life thanks to whatever you are, and then regret my decisions for the rest of my life?”

 “Hey, don’t put all the blame on me. This wouldn’t have happened if you’d grew some balls and told Sunggyu––to whatever Sunggyu, I don’t know anymore––that you loved him.”

 “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t put Kim Sunggyu in this dimension, or this lifetime, or this whatever-this-is,” Woohyun shots back. Then, he gives Sungjong a look that he hopes is saying _you haven’t answered my question_ on his eyes _._

Apparently Sungjong understands.

 “This is the thing. I can help you and––let me finish!” he yells when the other male is about to reply something (much like “You’re no help!”). “Like I was saying, I can help you because I've already met you three times––or six––and I don't want to leave things unfished. And also because Dongwoo’s taken a liking in you.”

 “Who is Dongwoo?” This time Woohyun can’t help his curiosity and asks.

 “My boss,” Sungjong answers, shrugging. “But he doesn’t like _you_ ––In fact, he thinks you’re a wimp, too. But he likes your ‘love story’. He says it’s like a drama.”

 “And what does he liking me have to do with your help?”

 “He’s my boss,” Sungjong repeats with a _well duh_ -type of tone. “Hoya told me to make him happy and give him a happy ending to see.” When he sees Woohyun is about to ask him something else, he adds, “Hoya is my boss too.”

Woohyun takes a sip from the already cold coffee from before. “And how are you going to help me?”

 “Easy,” Sungjong smiles, “I can make you go back.”

 “In time?” He blinks. “But how? You said time is for those _ryong_. It's not your…” He pauses, thinking of a good word. “Job area? Work Field?” is the best he can come out with.

 “Time is such an awfully complicated matter, don’t you think?” Sungjong muses. If Woohyun had to put Sungjong in a different context, he probably would be in one of those black and white movies as the main character swings his cup of wine in an empty restaurant with the city lights as background. “I took their powers borrowed (they owned me something, anyway). I need to make my bosses happy. A happy Dongwoo leads to a happy Hoya; a sad Dongwoo leads an angry Hoya. And an angry Hoya becomes hell of a punishment for me.”

 “But aren’t you going to receive punishment for putting Sunggyu in this …dimension…life…universe… anyway?”

Sungjong closes his eyes, massaging his temples. “God damn it, Woohyun.” He looks so delicate it’s hard to believe he can swear. “Sometimes I think you’re punishment enough. But whatever, do you want to go back? Do you? Of course you do. _Tell me you do_.”

Woohyun nods, but stops abruptly, realizing the implications of starting his life from some point again. That would mean he still has to tell Sunggyu. “I––” he starts, unsure, “what if––“

 “Oh don’t even start,” Sungjong’s voice is sharp. “’What if he doesn’t see me that way’, ‘what if he’s straight’ ‘what if he has already other things to deal with what if, what if, what if! You and your fucking insecurity! His 29-year-old self let you fuck him against an office desk; do you have idea how uncomfortable is that? Of course you don’t! And what makes you think he doesn't like you back, for fuck’s sake!”

By this time, the younger boy is yelling again, flailing his arms around, and Woohyun wants to ask if this boy by any means knows or is connected to his friend Sungyeol from somewhere. But the situation is more than awkward enough, and he covers his face again, blushing at the other’s boldness.

 “I get it, I get it,” he hisses, “but stop yelling my sex life. It’s embarrassing.”

Sungjong stops. “Sorry,” he says, clearing his throat. “But you understand, right? I can help you. I _have to_ help you.”

Woohyun sighs. “What do I have to do?”

 “Accept.” Sungjong shrugs. “And give me an hour.”

 “So this time there’s not a catch is it? Then fine, help me.”

 

 

||

 

  **(**

interlude vi. past and future.

Useless thoughts. (Left unsaid ––Until when?)

 

The jokes about your eyes were never funny.

Actually I like how you squint your eyes.

And remember the leftovers of that takoyaki you bought when we went to that Japanese restaurant? I was the one who ate them.

I always wanted a dog.

We could’ve named and taken care of it.

I bet you’ll (you’d?) be a great father.

The smile you had when I met you for the first time was intimidating.

You are a good son.

Boohyun got nothing on you.

I had a crush on your sister when I was in first grade.

She’s a lot like you.

What did you say to me that night?

The night of the game. When I couldn’t tell you my feelings you were with Myungsoo.

I bet it was important.

It’s always important when it comes to you.

You have such a cute look when you’re incredulous.

It looks like you’re smiling.

Like an open-mouthed smile.

I like it.

Remember when I started avoiding you?

I was so confused back then

I still am, a little.

I don’t know what you’re doing to me.

I’m scared

I often wonder about you.

Am I the only one feeling this?

I love you

You don’t know how much.

I’m scared to hear something from you.

Like you hate me.

Or that we’re better off as friends.

We probably are.

It’s cowardly.

I’m sorry.

I wish I could’ve met you on a different place; a different time.

**)**

 

||

 

27-year-old Nam Woohyun feels like he’s going back in time.

                                                   

 **(** "Hey, Woohyun. We've been chatting for about an hour." **)**

||

 

Woohyun blinks, staring at Sungjong.

Sungjong, the boy who never changes, is staring back at him. He’s extending his left hand, holding a tissue. His smile is kind and oddly empathetic. Woohyun takes it, confused, until he instinctively presses it against his cheeks and realizes they’re wet.

 “What happened?” he asks, looking around. The café keeps its usual warm atmosphere, the employees coming and going, busy, and their cuckoo clock announcing it’s 7:00 pm.

 “You still ask?” Sungjong snorts, amused. Woohyun realizes he’s back to his 17-year-old self and it has only passed an hour since him and Sungjong entered the café.

A lifetime in an hour.

Flashes of everything pass through his mind, both of his young and his adult life. For a moment, he’s not sure he knows what’s fantasy and what’s real anymore. He feels lost, hopeless, drowned on what happened and hasn't happened and might happen and would happen if. But then everything comes clear and he’s certain of something.

 “I’m so stupid,” he mutters, crouching on the table. Of course, that's the best conclusion his teenager mind can come up with.

 “It was about time you figured,” Sungjong says, biting his chocolate biscuit. “How many calories do you think this has?”

 “I don’t think it matters much. You’re not even human, are you?” Woohyun replies, looking back at him. “Never mind, I don’t want to know. I don’t care. I’ve had enough.”

 “So have I.”

 “So what now?”

 “What do you mean?” Sungjong asks after he finishes his dessert. Woohyun can swear he’s never seen someone eat a biscuit so gracefully before. Sungjong is one interesting character. “My job’s done here, I brought you back. Although you were never gone,” he blinks. “I think.”

 “You think?”

 “I don’t even know if you two Woohyuns are the same or different. I already told you; time is such an awfully complicated matter, like––”

 “Can you please stop repeating that phrase, it’s getting repetitive and annoying,” Woohyun interrupts, but Sungjong ignores him.

 “––your relationship with Sunggyu.”

Woohyun groans. “Are we going to start this conversation again?”

 “Talking about Sunggyu,” Sungjong keeps ignoring him, “now it’s your time to tell him.”

 “What do you mean now?” Woohyun says. “You mean like now, _now_? By text?”

 “Yes,” Sungjong answers, but then stops. “No, wait. Not by text, what kind of confession is that?” He leans over the table and smacks him. Sungjong never struck him as the violent type of person. “You can tell him when he gets back.”

Woohyun remembers his text, saying he’s coming back for the holidays. Hastily, he takes out his phone, knocking off his cup in the process. Sungjong snorts, but he manages to catch the cup before it falls and makes a mess.

 

           To: Sunggyu-hyung

           Sorry for the late answer. When?

 

While he’s waiting for the answer, he decides to change something. It doesn't take a lot of time, and for normal people it doesn't mean much, but for him (and probably for Sunggyu too) it's important. The response comes after some minutes of Sungjong’s (excited?) stare and nervous glances at the phone.

 

           From: Sunggyu

           Sunday.

 

Woohyun bites his lips, sending a quick look at Sungjong. The boy smiles at him, this time it’s not fake or cold like the ones before. He nods and maybe that’s all Woohyun ever needed in his life: a small push.

He feels sort of pathetic for being so coward before, thinking losing his friend was a given if he confessed. He was so focused on his own fears he never took Sunggyu into consideration.

 

           To: Sunggyu

           Good. I have something to tell you.

 

||

 

Woohyun wakes up with a strong headache and a sense of disorientation settled on himself.

He rubs his eyes, glancing at the nightstand on his right. The clock marks 7:15 am with angry red numbers. There’s an empty space next to him on the bed, blankets and covers messily put aside, leaving the baby blue bed sheet visible. It reminds him of Sunggyu.

Sunggyu.

Where is he?

The door cracks open, revealing a drowsy Sunggyu with messy hair in spectacles and sweats. Well, that answers his question.

Sunggyu closes the door, trying is best not to wake Woohyun, without realizing he’s already awake. With the same wariness, he goes to the dresser and opens a drawer––left corner at the top, that’s where his clothes are––and takes out a shirt. He’s far from graceful, but keeps a charm in his movements that makes Woohyun smile.

 “The green one suits you better,” Woohyun says and his voice comes out hoarsely. Sunggyu gives a small jump, startled, but tries to keep his cool.

 “You think?” he asks, turning to face him. “You could have said something.”

Woohyun clears his throat. “About the shirt?” There. It sounds better. “Sunggyu, I think I caught a cold.”

 “Not the shirt, you stupid. You almost gave me a heart attack,” he says, folding the shirt again and putting it back. “Well it’s this time of the year. You get sick easier.”

 “Will you give me something? You have a box full of medicines,” Woohyun tries to sound pitiful. He thinks it works when a worried look flashes through Sunggyu’s face as he climbs next to him, after taking out the light green shirt and putting it on the nightstand. The older male touches his forehead for some seconds, staring at nothing in particular. His worried expression softens when he looks back at Woohyun.

 “You’ll be fine,” he comes to that conclusion, patting his head. Woohyun frowns. He has a headache, and his throat is sore. Aren’t those the symptoms of a common cold?

He decides not to think about it too much. Instead, he takes advantage of the closeness of Sunggyu’s face and kisses him. It’s just a peck, small and fast enough for Sunggyu to notice, but do nothing about.

 “I want us to stay home and cuddle on bed all day,” Woohyun says, pulling Sunggyu towards him by the waist. The older man protests, but he still lets out a small laugh when Woohyun covers them and gives a peck on his nose. “You can take care of me, too. I wouldn’t mind.”

 “What are you, five? I’m not going to take care of anyone besides myself,” Sunggyu says with a teasing tone. Woohyun doesn’t fail to notice how he scoots closer little by little. “What’s gotten into you?”

Sunggyu is close, so close to him he can smell his scent. It’s fresh and comforting and it has that sort of peak that reminds him of a distant summer afternoon in an unknown place, even though they’re in winter. It almost makes him drowsy.

 “I remembered something,” he replies. It’s the truth. He remembered Sungjong, the boy who never gets old, and his past mistakes. He also remembered (although that’s probably not the correct word, how can you remember something it’s not on the past?) those days at an empty office, getting closer to a Sunggyu he could never reach. “You know that I love you, right?”

 “Right,” Sunggyu repeats, looking skeptical. “I love you too.” Then he adds something more with a mocking tone, “Seriously, what’s up with you? Were you having nightmares? Did you dream something tragic like me dying or something?”

Nightmares.

Of all the things he can say, he chooses the most childish one.

 “Maybe, maybe not,” Woohyun says, enigmatically. Then his voice goes back to normal when he adds, “I just felt like saying it, is it wrong?”

Woohyun won’t tell him, but even though he defends himself, Sunggyu is more or less close to the truth. If he told Sunggyu about those memories and fragments that feel more like bad dreams, he wouldn’t believe him––he can’t even believe himself sometimes–– and if he did, he would say it’s not worth. Woohyun knows he should forget them, but he can’t control when they are going to appear again.

Unconsciously, his grip around Sunggyu’s waist tightness, and Woohyun pulls him even closer. Sunggyu mutters something, but his eyes are already closing and he wants to stay like this, like this and think only of the person with him; no one else. Not the Sunggyu who used to choose others before himself, or the (resulting?) office dog that wishes for something he doesn’t have.

But Sunggyu starts standing up, laughing softly, and Woohyun’s hopes for going back to sleep are gone. “Come on, I bet we’re already late.”

Woohyun groans. “What’s so good about your job it’s taking you away from me? Is Woollim offering something better than pure human warmth and cuddling all day?”

 “As a matter of fact yes,” Sunggyu says, taking out his t-shirt he uses to sleep and putting on the green button up shirt, “The idol group that’s debuting needs my lyrics, for which I’m paid money. We’re not going to live of cuddling and human warmth, you know?”

 “So you prefer money instead of me,” it’s the conclusion Woohyun comes to. Sunggyu laughs, loud and wholeheartedly when he hears it. Woohyun can swear it’s the most pleasant sound he’s ever heard and he can’t help but laugh with him too.

But then he remembers the half smiles he’s seen on Sunggyu before, the ones that don’t quite reach his eyes, and he feels guilty and sad again.

Sunggyu notices the abrupt stop on his laugh. He looks up to see Woohyun again. “So you _did_ have nightmares––“

 “Memories.”

 “––and they’re so bad they made you even shut up.” Sunggyu’s mocking face makes Woohyun nervous, but he doesn’t say anything, knowing that there's not true malice behind his words. How can he say they’re related to him? Sunggyu wouldn’t take it so well. “Hey, whatever you’re thinking about, forget it. Leave the worries to me.”

Woohyun almost chuckles when he realizes it’s just like he predicted, but he keeps says nothing about it. Instead, he stands up and goes to the covered window on the other side of the room.

Sunggyu is right, and yet––

Opening the curtain and watching the white sea of snow extending in front of him through the window, he remembers something. This time is simpler than parallel lines or unfulfilled dreams from other realities. It’s a mere thought, and by the time he realized, he’s already said it aloud. “Hey, we’re in winter. This season is so melancholic, don’t you think?”

He turns to face Sunggyu, who is halfway putting on his pants. He’s giving him that _what are you talking about_ look.

 “I… guess you can say so,” he says, unsure. Woohyun thinks that if Sunggyu could raise an eyebrow, he probably would be doing it now. Sunggyu seems to think of something for a moment, but then shakes his head. “You should start dressing up. And pull the curtain down, I’m starting to feel cold.”

 “You’re probably right,” Woohyun says, going to the dresser. He takes the opportunity to give Sunggyu another kiss on his way to the drawer, but this time it’s an open-mouthed kiss, instead of a simple peck.

 “Gross,” Sunggyu laughs, “morning breath.”

Sunggyu opens the bathroom door and enters, leaving the door open. Woohyun follows him, putting on a more casual shirt than Sunggyu’s. The older male is in the middle of combing his dyed brown hair when he takes the toothbrush. He calls the man next to him after minutes of silence only broken by the shuffling of the brush bristles.

 “What did you mean when you said that phrase?” He’s trying to sound casual, Woohyun realizes.

 “Wudd beidth?” He’s in the middle of brushing his teeth, so the word comes out muffled. Sunggyu understands he means _what phrase_ , though.

 “ _That phrase_ ,” he repeats, giving up with his hair and leaving it on its usual flat state. “The one about the winter being melancholic.”

Woohyun washes out his mouth. He wonders the same, but doesn’t say it. “I just feel like it.” He leans his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder, smiling at the reflection. “Why?”

Sunggyu pats his head. “I feel like I’ve heard it before, I don’t know.” Woohyun doesn’t mention how much he doesn’t like being patted on the head; he’s learned that’s Sunggyu’s habit.

 “Really? Where?”

 “I told you, I don’t know. I just kind of feel it’s familiar and I should remember from where.”

Woohyun keeps Sunggyu’s musings on the back of his head, focusing on the man instead. He turns around and looks at Sunggyu, who takes his eyes off the mirror and looks back.

 “Hey,” Woohyun says.

 “Hey.”

 “No more morning breath?” he suggests. He would wriggle his eyebrows to make it funnier, but that's probably taking it too far. Sunggyu laughs at his implication, muttering a soft _why are you like this_ and leans closer. Woohyun meets him halfway, kissing him.

Sunggyu’s lips are soft and keep that warmth characteristic of him. He closes his eyes, leaning even closer until his chest bumps with Woohyun’s. They’re not struggling or biting; it’s a simple brush of lips that doesn’t mimic those epic kisses at the end of a movie or a desperate one taken from a tragic romance. It’s short, but it lasts longer than the others they’ve shared this morning and conveys the affection both of them want to share.

Sunggyu sighs, breaking the kiss––slowly, always as if he doesn’t really want to––and smiles. It’s a sincere smile; one of those Woohyun loves to see. Now that Sunggyu is close again, Woohyun can smell that scent, even though now it’s fainter. It’s the Sunggyu from today, not from yesterday or from a future it’s never going to come.

At that moment, he realizes it’s all that matters. Maybe it’s always been.

||

  **(**

outro.

** Mark the correct answer. **

 [ ] Today  [ ] Tomorrow  [] Never  [ ] Someday [x?] Always

 

 “Sunggyu?”

 “Yes?”

 “I love you.”

**)**

 


End file.
